Hi Rocky,
It has been 70 days exactly now since you decided to leave.... I wish that I could get that night over.... I wish that I was a better person and that I treat people better.... I miss you sooo much... I wish that it was in my power to make all of this go away and bring you home.... But it is not - I have to believe that God will keep you safe and bring you home when the time is right.
I had a dream last night that you were home..... I remember being so scared that you would leave again and I knew that I would not be able to handle that... It was a good dream but then I woke up and the nightmare we are living now continued.... Susan and Heinrich stopped by to pick up their camper, the first thing that Susan said to me was that she dreamt that you called and wanted us to come get you......
I was so hoping that it would come true because two people dreamt it but that was not meant to be - at least not today....
You dad built a new trailer... You should see it - you would have been proud of it.... It has space for two motorcycles - I guess the second one is for yours... I know that is one of he things that he wants to do with you.... and I know that he is really looking forward to it....
Renee is here - we are Scrapbooking again, she arrived this afternoon and leaves tomorrow.... Love having her aroud - we just have so much fun together. I have to smile when I think of that - you could not understand how I can call that fun but yet you were always so supportive.... I have worked on my books a lot since you left but I have not really gotten very far.... I can just not get started because I keep on thinking of you.... I feel guilty to do anything that is fun..... How can I have fun if you are out there somewhere and I don't know how you are doing? People keep on telling me that I should not blame myself... They tell me that this is not my fault..... You know what, I don't care what anyone says, I feel that I should have known better..... I should have seen this coming.... I should have been able to do something..... to be nicer to you.... Te tell you more ha I loved you.....
Rocky, please forgive me for everything I did wrong in the two years that you were here....
- Forgive me for not listening to you more....
- Forgive me for not being more patient....
- Forgive me for not cooking for you more....
- Forgive me for not telling you more about your family.... they are all so wonderful .....
- Forgive me for not telling you that I am proud of you....
- Forgive me for not telling you that I love you....
Rocky I hope that you are reading this tonight and more than that I hope that you can forgive me..
Lots of love,
Ma
P.S. Dad loves you very much also......
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