I would like to share something with you - not to try and convince you to do anything but to make you understand why some things are harder than others.... You and your dad are the two most important people in my life and I would do anything for the two of you.... I really don't like to see either of you get hurt but the way it is right now I cannot see how this can turn out well for either of you. Please understand that I am not looking for excuses for anyone here but this might help you understand where your dad is coming from.
You know better than most that the best way to protect yourself is not to let people in - not let your guard down... that is what your dad has been doing and I want to explain something to you.
When he was about five years old his mother left. He was the youngest of four and was raised by his father. When he was ten his father remarried but his stepmother hated him and both physically and mentally abused him. Not only did his father marry her once, he married her twice.
His father died when he was sixteen and when they got home after the funeral his stepmother told him that she could no longer afford to look after him so he needs to leave. He turned to his uncle – someone that have loved him all his life. He joined the army because he did not really have a choice. His uncle bought him his first car but not even a year after his dad died, his uncle also passed away. Once again he was on his own.
Once he was released from the army he started working. During the first few year after that he met your mother and this was the love of his life…. However, this was doomed right from the beginning because your grandmother hated him….. They were married in 1982 and you were born in 1985…… your dad could not be happier…. One day when you were just about a year old your dad got home from work and your mother had taken you and left….. He saw you as often as he could but that was hard as it was a seven hour drive to see you…..
I met him in 1988 – a little more than a year after their divorce was finalized. The first thing he told me was that he had a son…. He was still the proud father….. When you were just five your mother changed your names and disappeared…. It was 13 year later that we found you again….. Your dad’s heart was broken because he missed out on the best years of your life…. And it was not for a lack of trying on our side….. we went as far as talking to the then president of South Africa… we kept all the documents and shared them with you once we found you…… We never stopped looking….
Then when you turned 18 we found you with the help of your cousins…. By then we had already moved to America. That did not stop your dad…. He was on the first flight to South Africa and met you at the airport in Johannesburg……. Shortly after he got back you followed him and came over for eight weeks…… Things did not work out as we all had hoped and you decided that you wanted to go back to South Africa…… not long after that you decided that you no longer wanted any contact with your dad and you broke off the relationship…..
The first time when you disappeared it had nothing to do with you but this time it was your choice….. Once again he had to go through the pain of someone that he loved abandoning him….. At least from his point-of-view.
At the end of 2009 you found him on Facebook and once again he was the happiest person that could be…. The only reason he ever went on Facebook was to make sure that if you wanted you could find him….. But this time he had a shield around him….. a shield that would make it very hard for anyone to hurt him….. including you - the son that he had searched for for so long.
Well – like I said before, the best way to prevent people from hurting you is to not let them get close to you in the first place…. Well he (or we) did such a good job of this that we drove you away….. Rocky, please read the attachment to the e-mail that I sent you this afternoon….
I know that this is not your fault – we need to apologize to you but please lets mend this fence and move on with our lives….
We have many regrets but if you can, please make this a special Easter for your dad and help us to make it up to you.
TO ANYONE ELSE READING THIS - NONE OF THIS IS INTENDED TO BE AN ATTACK ON ANYONE ELSE - IT IS SIMPLY INTENDED TO HELP ROCKY UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS MORE TO SOMEONE THAN MEETS THE EYE. PLEASE DON'T JUDGE PEOPLE BY WHAT YOU CAN SEE, MOST OFTEN IT IS THE THINGS THAT YOU CANT SEE THAT IS IMPORTANT.
I hope that this will help in a decision for you to come home. We love you and we really miss you....
In summary, your dad has been abandoned by his mother, father, stepmother, uncle, wife and son...... even though it could not always be helped, and you could not only blame the person that left, it still is what it is...... It is in your power to help him understand that life is not always bad and that you can rely on people......