Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-04 - 10:30pm

Another day another dollar..... I just found out that I will be In Virginia for an extra month or two. I guess that is not to bad - at least I have a job so that is always good. Maybe when you get home, you and Dad can come and visit me - you guys would love the beach here - it is beautiful and maybe you can even arrange a fishing trip or two.

Rocky, I miss you so much.... You know when I miss you more that ever? On a Thursday evening when I get home from work..... No matter what you always come running out of your room as soon as I open the door..... I always thought that you were very happy to see me because you would be all smiles and you would give me this BIG hug..... Today I thought about it and I realized that you might have been starving because the the food that dad make smelled so good.... So, most likely you ran because you could not wait to eat.... LOL...

We care so much about you and the longer you are away from us the worse it gets. You would think that it will get better but it actually gets worse.... We really miss you and we would love the opportunity to make things right. I know that you read the bible and if I know that you believe in God.... I also know that you are a wonderful person and would never intentionally hurt anyone so the only explanation that I have is that you are hurting more than us and truly believe that you are doing us a favor...... I would like to set the record straight by saying that no matter what you think, no matter how you feel, this is your home and we really would like nothing better than for you to come home. Maybe you are to proud - I understand that - but you know what - life is to short. One day someone is in your life, the next hey are gone. We need you in our lives and i can only hope that you need us too. We need each other.

Sometimes I get very anxious and I don't know why.... It feels like I am totally going to lose it - most of the time I don't even know why I am feeling like that.... Then I think of you and my heart sinks.... It feels like I am walking around with concrete blocks on my back.... I really don't know how to handle this. And you know what else... I have to be strong for your dad so I cannot talk to him about it and I reall don't feel like talking to anyone else.

If I had it my way I would simple crawl up in my bed and sleep until you came back.... - not talk to anyone, not go to work, not eat..... Nothing - just sleep!!
I think hat God knew that I would be a bad parent and that is why I could never have kids.... HE knew that I would fail misrably with the one that HE entrusted to me.

Rocky - I want to apologize for disappointing you, for failing to be a good parent to you, for not being there for you and for not standing up for you when you really needed me.

I pray every night that God would change your heart and bring you back to us so that we can try again. I will never stop praying.

I believe in you and I believe that you will do the right thing. We are really proud of you - of everything that you have accomplished so far and we know that this is just the beginning for you... You have a long journey ahead of you but you are a fighter and you never give up. Please don't give up on us either.

We love you and we miss you so much,
Dad and Ma

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