Saturday, March 31, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-31 - 11:00pm

We have just had two very tough days.... Your dad was out of town with Susan and Heinrich and I had the girls for a day or so.... I could not leave because I was still at work and they could not wait for me to get home. I cannot give to much detail here but someday I I'll tell you everything..... Let's just say that your dad had a long conversation with Tarra from New Orleans - please read our Facebook email where I will I've you more info and your dad will also send you an email in the next few days.... He said that he believes in you and no matter what you can come home.... I know that we said that if you do some things wrong or if you leave to never come back.... Those or words that are easily said when you are not in that situation but when you are there they are the furthest from the truth that you can ever get.... You would always have a place in our house as you would always have a place in our hearts.

Rocky we have done a lot to find you - you have no idea. I know that you said for us to not spend money to look for you but it is like me telling you not to breath... It is just simply something that is not possible to do. We cannot stop looking.... In the last few days both your dad and I spoke with Tarra and we also spoke with your "big brother".... The one thing that stands out everywhere is how much people like you.... :-)

I know I have said this so many times but I would like to remind you again: We would like nothing more than for you to come home. We have so many things to resolve - and we have so many things to apologize for. We love you and we miss you so please please giVe us a call or let us know where you are and if you want we can get you home. Rocky, just so you know you got your scholarship so if you come home you can pay for your own classes... That way you can use you salary to rent a room somewhere if you decide that you don't want to stay with us.... I really think that it is important for you to finish college.... I know that I don't have the right to tell you what to do - but like I said before, if you want to provide for a wife and child(ren) some day, it is very important to finish college.... You are very talented and very very hard working so there is no doubt in my mind that you can get a good job and make good money but with a college degree you can get more money and an even better job.... Just something for you to consider.

You are very special to us, we love you very much and we really miss you...

Dad and Ma

Friday, March 30, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-30 - 02:00pm

Rocky, Nicole wanted to write you a letter so I asked her to write it and then I will upload it.... I hope that it is clear enough for you to read......

Here is a photo of little "Stokkie" (Nicole) for you......

I will write again tonight but just wanted to make sure that I get this to you today.

Love you very much and hope to see you soon.


Thursday, March 29, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-29 - 11:00pm

I am sorry that I did not write last night. I was so hopeful that we would finally find you but I guess that God had other plans for today. That does not mean that we are giving up.... Like I mentioned before we will try until we find you - no matter what.... Tomorrow is another day and people around the world is praying for you again today...

You know sometimes you read a book or the bible and it feels like what you reading is so appliable to you that it was written just for you.... Most often it is as if you get answers to questions that you have not even asked....

Well I hope this tonight will be like that for you.

1) You are not a burden for us.... You are a hard worker and thinking about it there is really nothing we can complain about that you do..... yes we do fight with you and we Do remind you that you are lucky to have this opportunity but that does not mean we mind paying for your college.
2) We might not have all the money in the world but we are proud of what you have accomplished and we would like to see you complete college.... We felt so proud of you at your graduation for your GED and I know that you did also.
3) I know what you are doing now and I alo know why you are doing it - and even though I would much rather have you safe and sound at home, at the same time I am proud of how far you haven gotten on you own. That said, I do not approve of what you are doing or how you are going about it.
4) In life - we all get delt a hand and we have to live with it no matter what. Some of us (like me) are lucky and have loving parents, do well at school and go to college.... Some of us are from broken homes and have to fend for ourselves from a young age and most often don't even make it through school. But you know what, in the end it all evens out.... I grew up in a loving caring family and always wanted children but because of some unexplainable illness could never have children. You end up with the other half of your family an ends up going to college.... So there the balance as been restored..... If you put the two of us together - I can now have the child and you can have the college....

Now you left and neither of us what we need in life.... So you see, I am doing something for you (paying for college) but you are also filling a gap in my life.... Something that you now took away from me....

The point I am trying to make is that regardless of what you think - you do as much for me as what I do for you....

I beg you to call it a day and come home. I will pray again tonight that by some miracle you run into someone you know tomorrow and end up back at home soon....

Love you lots and really really miss you.


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-27 - 11:00pm

I have learnt a lot in the last seven weeks..... Mostly I have learnt that I cannot always be in control. I have learnt that I have to trust that God will help me if I get desperate sometimes. I get desperate thinking of what you are going through, wishing I can talk with you, wishing that I can tell you that everything is gong to be ok..... There is so much that I want to say to you. The only way that I can think to do that is to write this blog and to hope that by some miracle you will get the opportunity to read it.

Rocky, I take a walk often during the day just to pray that God will keep you safe, I feel like I have asked God for so much in the past seven weeks that I don't have the right to ask for anything else.... In spite of that I pray that you find your way back home..... We need you at home. This is where you belong - here with your dad and me.

I keep on thinking of what else I can do o find you - who can I talk to - who can I write to - where can I drive to? There are so many questions but there are no answers.... I can main letters and then I have to be patient until I get an answer back.... Always the answer that I don't want, but you know what, it only takes one.... only one letter to the right person at te right time..... OR one person to see you that know that we are looking for you.
I will TRUST, HOPE & WAIT...... When the time is right we will find you....

I hope you have a very good night's sleep - I hope that you had enough food to eat and I hope that you can follow your heart back to us.

We love you very much and we miss you more and more every day!

Dad and Ma

Monday, March 26, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-26 - 08:30pm

Today someone very important in my life died - he was a lifelong family friend and also the first boss I ever worked for.... I was only 20 years old when I graduated from college with no experience in the workforce whatsoever - He took a chance with me - put his neck on the line for me and I had to work hard to not disappoint him. We got along really well so hopefully I did ok. He taught me so much - not only in my job but also some very important life lessons... He was also the person that wrote a motivation for me to move from a Treasury job to an IT job and in a way responsible or me living in America today.

I am sure that you are wondering why I am sharing this with you... There is one thing that he said to me that I will remember for he rest of my life: DON'T EVER BE SORRY ABOUT ANYTHING THAT YOU DO - JUST LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES! That is so true - we all have done something in out lives that we are not proud of... In most cases there is nothing that you can do after the fact - the important thing is to learn from it and do your best not to make the same mistake twice. We need to take responsibility for our actions and that is a really hard thing to do. Most often it is pride that stands in our way. It takes a special kind of person to admit that the acted without thinking but once you do that, you can start to focus on the things that is important in life and not be sorry that we did not spend more time with the people that matter most in our lives...

Now you may think that this is meant for you... With the exception of one thing that you need to do, this is applicable to me only....
- I am sorry that I did not talk to you more often. What I will do from now on is to find out one thing every day about you that I did not know.
- I am sorry that I was always impatient. What I will do from now on is to pray that God helps me to be more patient.
- I am sorry that we did not do more things together as a family. What I will do from now in is to join you and dad when you go golfing for example, or if you ask me so nicely to do something with you and I prefer to do Scrapbooking instead.
- I am sorry that I did not tell you that I love you more often, or that I am proud of you, or just that we love having you around. What I will do from now on is to make sure that you know how much you are loved and appreciated and not only fous on the negative things.
- I am sorry that I did not listen to you more often. From now on I will start to listen and not always have to get in the last word.

These are only a few of the things that I have time to list - I can go on all night if I did not have to sleep :-).

So Rocky, we love you very much and we miss you more than ever. The only thing for you here is to return home so that we can be a family again.

Oom (uncle) Joop, may you rest in peace and thank you so much for all the priceless lesson and values that I learnt from you and also for an absolutely wonderful start to my career.

You will be missed.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-25 - 12:30pm

Let me try and explain why each of these questions were important to me and why I asked you to think about them:

1) Were things so bad all the time that you would rather live on the streets than be with us?
You wrote something down on a piece of paper that night and I got mad at you.... I am not going to repeat it but is that the main reason why you left? If not, I would like to know what the biggest issues are in your mind.

2) Are you doing this because you think that we don't want you with us and that we are better off with you gone?
We would not have it any other way.... We were all still getting to know each other, trying to figure out what works and what does not. We were not always (or maybe never) very good at it but it would all have worked out eventually.

3) Did we just expect to much of you and that was not what you wanted to do?
You are such a hard worker and you don't complain to much so I did not realize under how much pressure you really were. You did so well but maybe it all was just to much - also if you take what you wrote on the piece of paper in one into account it will be to much for anyone.

4) What do we have to do for you to come back home?
Please think about this very carefully and write everything down - this is the one chance that you have to say ANYTHING that you want with absolutely no negative response whatsoever......

Most kids leave home but they keep in contact with their parents. I just don't feel that this is the wthey that you should go about this. Running away from your problems does not solve them - you take then with you. At some point in your future, the issues that you did not deal with now will pop up again and who knows, maybe then there are more children involved and surely you wish a better childhood for your children than what you had to deal with and are still dealing with. I know that I have no right to give you advice, but believe me it is better to face your issues now that later....

Please just think very long and hard about each of these questions and if you really and truly decide that you did the right thing, let us know and we will call it a day and respect your decision.... BUT please, you at least need to give us a call and talk to both of us and answer a few questions before we will stop the search....

We love you very much and we miss you..

Dad and Ma

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-24 - 11:59pm

I hope that you had a fun day today.... My day was fun - as you know, I just love Scrapbooking so it is always fun for me... There was a wonderful group of people here and of course Renee. Theresa and her kids stopped by to say hi and bring Renee and I Starbucks..... What better can I do over a weekend?

I wish I could just pick up the phone and call you.

Rocky, we will not stop you to do whatever you want but for us not to have contact with each is just crazy. We are family after all and family are suppose to be there for each other... Everybody needs somebody and right now we need you.... I know that I am your stepmother but I love you and care about you like you are my son so I worry about you more than you know.

I am very tired tonight and need to go sleep. With regard to the questions that I asked you yesterday, I will tell you more about that tomorrow night...

Love you lots and I miss you very much...


Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-23 - 11:59pm

I am at my Scrapbooking weekend with Renee - have to stop to write to you first.

I hope that you had a great day today.... Do I have a funny story to tell you.... I got home this morning (Friday) and with your dad being in California - there was no-one at home so the raccoons came in through the doggy door and had a party.... Their party meant that I worked all day to clean up their mess..... They are just so cute but so bad at the same time. I bought a huge bag of dog food and emptied the whole thing outside to see if that will keep them out. Just hope that it works because if not I will have to clean up the house again before I fly on Sunday ....

I would like to ask you to come home but if you don't have a way to read this what good does it do me. I hope and pray every day that some good samaritan will see this and when they see you tell you to read this. I still watch my Facebook account everyday just in case you would like to contact me again.

It is two in the morning again and hopefully I can sleep a little later that usual - something I don't get to do to often these days.

Rocky, I have to ask you to answer a few things to yourself:
1) Were things so bad all the time that you would rather live on the streets than be with us?
2) Are you doing this because you think that we don't want you with us and that we are better off with you gone?
3) Did we just expect to much of you and that was not what you wanted to do?
4) What do we have to do for you to come back home?
5) Don't you think that we can still have a relationship with you - even if you are not living with us?

I am going to let you think about this for a day or two before I am going to say a few extra things about some of the questions that I have asked you.

I have a few last thoughts for tonight - some things that is important for you to know:
- We will always love you - no matter what...
- We will always care about you - no matter what...
- We will always worry about you - no matter what...
- We will always look for you if you are missing - no matter what...
- We will always pray for you - no matter what....
- We will always want the best for you - no matter what...
- We will always support you - no matter what...

Most of all:
- We will always be proud of you - no matter what...

Have you ever heard the song..... "parents don't just love their children every now and then"..... Like I said to you - I cannot promise you that we will never disagree or that we will never fight - but like I said - that does not mean that we love you any less.

You can tell us not to waste our money to come after you but we will spend every penny that we have to find you... There is just no other way - we can not just sit and do nothing...

Well - once again - it is after two in the morning so I better get to bed.

We love you so much and we really miss you - wish you where at home with us so that we can resolve these issues and continue living our lives. Until then, all of our lives are on hold... We cannot move forward until we put the past behind us.

Rocky, we hope that you are safe and that you have a good nights rest...

Dad and Ma

Friday, March 23, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-22 - 11:59pm

Today is my fly-day again so I am on my flight writing to you..... Had such a good travel experience - for flying.... And through Chicago of all places... Everything was on time and seeing that your dad is in California and Heinrich is working out of town I am spending the night with Susan and the girls.... Normally you would pick me up...

Like I said a few weeks ago, I take one day at a time..... It is not always great but that is how I get through it.... I can not think or worry about tomorrow because it will have it's own set of problems.... A lady that contacted me on the blog a few days ago gave me so much information that I am going to be busy for a while tomorrow to do everything.... If all goes well we might know where you are shortly... Well - at least we can hope for that. You dad clings onto every morsal of hope to find you with everything that he has...... I don't think he realized how much you meant to him until the moment he realized that you were gone...

Please at least give us a call - you can call either one of us -it does not matter - just let us talk to you to hear voice and know that you are ok... Use the toll free number that I gave you on your Facebook e-mail - there is enough money on there to call us for a few months every day in case you wanted to talk.... it is toll free so we can not see where you are calling from - if that is what you are worried about.

I have just one last thing to say before I am done until tomorrow.... sometimes it is overwhelming trying to be a parent if you are not use to is...  it takes lots of practice, patients and more than anything time......    sometimes you fall and your parents help you up - sometime you fall and they leave you to get up on your own and sometime they just dont know what to do at all.....  that is the case if you have little childen but it is 10 times harder is everyone involved are already adults. 

Just wanted to leave you with this thought.

Anyway, it is very late - about 3am and I have to get a little bit of sleep....  oh yes, ouma (my mom) and oupa (oom koos) sends their love....

We love you and we miss you sooooo much!!
Dad and Ma

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-21 - 10:00pm

I hope that you had a great day today.... I wish that everyday but today I thought of you even more. Your dad is in California - that would have meant that we would have had a pizza weekend... I always loved that - you in your room and me in the scapbooking room and at meal times we would grab something to drink and a slice or two of pizza and sit in the kitchen and chat..... I miss that..

You said that you will invite us to your wedding one day - well I hope that you have already met the love of your life and that you are planning on getting married in the next few weeks because I don't want to wait to much longer for you to either come home or to get your invitation....

I am a little tired tonight but I can not go to sleep unless I at least say goodnight.

I hope you have a great night and remember, we love you very much and hopefully we see you soon.

Miss you
Dad an Ma

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-20 - 10:00pm

To Rocky,

Today was a good day at work but tonight is not so good. I am sitting in my hotel room and all I can do is to say silent prayers - asking God to please help me get through another day without you.... I feel so helpless - almost to the point of being desparate. No one wants to help us.... the police don't think that you are in danger so they don't want to help.... Because the police don't want to help no-one else wants to help either..... You may not be missing but you are lost... and we HAVE to find you.....

I said that I would write every night and I will keep my word but this is so hard some nights.... I am having such a hard time focusing on anything... I think I am going to lose my job if I don't do something - all I can do is think of ways that we can find you but this is such a huge country - where do we start? I watch my Facebook account and my e-mail every moment of the day just in case you write to me.

Rocky, as always, we still love you and we miss you and we will always no matter what.

Dad and Ma

To everyone else,

If anyone reading this have any ideas on what else we can try, please send me a comment and I will contact you.....

Rocky's last know location was just outside of New Orleans but that was over three weeks ago..... We drove to New Orleans once and then all the way to Pensacola, Florida but what is the chance of ever finding him?

"Please God help Rocky to find his way back home. We have tried everything humanly possible. Now we have to leave it in your hands and Trust and Believe that you will help us and help him."

We will do anything that we have to to get him home but we can not do it alone.

Thank you.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-19 - 11:00am

I had some flight issues last night so I am sitting on a plane right know writing to you....   It was nice because I I did not spend a lot of time with your dad over the weekend so this one extra day makes a huge difference...

This coming weekend I am going to a Scrapbooking retreat with Renee.....   You know how much I like that BUT for the first time in years I can honestly say that if I had a choice between driving to pick you up or Scrapbooking I would rather come get you....  wherever you are.... or spend the weekend with you and your dad.....  Having a braai, sitting in the back yard around the braai just relaxing.....     

Your dad bought a used dirt bike a few weeks ago - fixing it up and building a trailer for it kept him busy - with you being missing it is driving him crazy....   Today he went on eBay and was looking at bikes again....  When I asked him what he was doing he said that he was looking for a bike for you....  He said that you guys did not spend enough time together and that he wanted to do more with you when you home.....  Rocky, don't you miss the fishing and the golfing?

I don't think that you realize what you are doing to us....   I know that it is not your fault - we get that - it is 100% our faults but we hope that the few things that we did right will help you to forgive us and turn back home to us.....   We have tried everything in our power to find you so all I can do right now is pray that God will help us.....   We are totally helpless....    You have left so many sad people in your wake - you have no idea how many people care about you, loves you and adore you....  And more than anything at this moment we all miss you very very much!!!

I pray tonight that you have a warm place to sleep;
I pray that you had something to eat;
I pray that you are safe;
I pray that you love us enough to forgive and forget;
I pray that you will call you to come and get you!

We love you and we miss you very much!

Dad and Ma

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-17 - 11:00pm

Your dad went to the forest with Arthur and Heinrich and all the kids today..... they all went bike riding.... they had fun but your dad and I were talking about how much you would have loved it and how good you will be at it....

While the boys where gone Susan and I decided to go shopping.... first the Pandora store... ... two great girls that I work with gave my a really cute bracelet and this store sells all the beads for it.... I want to tell you about what I bought...

Left is a DOLPHIN - because your dad loves them so much
Middle is a BUTTERFLY (I could not get a Dragonfly) - that is for me
Right is a BOY - that is for you
The spacers are LADYBUGS because I heard that they bring good luck....

So you see, we can only be a true fmily if the BOY comes home.

Of course being a women, the shopping did not stop there.....

This one is move self explanatory.... HOPE - LOVE - FAITH....
We HOPE that you come home because we LOVE you very much and we have FAITH that God will make this happen!!!!

I typed most of this last night but we had no power so I could only send it today!!!

Love you and miss you,
Dad and Ma

Friday, March 16, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-16 - 11:00pm

Since Wednesday I have been looking at my Facebook account every five minutes..... so hoping you would just write to me again...... if we can jusy talk to you... a little glimmer of hope......

A lot has changed since you left and there is so much that I would like to ask you and also so much that I can learn from you....

I TRUST that God will keep you safe,
I HOPE that you will have a change of heart and return home because we need you.
I will WAIT for you to come back home no matter how long it takes. I pray to God every night that it will be sooner than later but I also know that God will be waiting with me no matter what.

We love you and hope that you are ready to come home....

Dad and Ma

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-15 - 10:00pm

I have written and deleted this posting about ten times.... nothing sounds good tonight; I guess what I am trying to say tonight is that we miss you so much and there is nothing more that we need in this world then for you to come home to us..... and remember, you call and we will come get you no matter where you are..... we don't want you away from us one minute longer than what is needed....

I go on my knees and pray to God every night that he will bring you home; or at least let you call us so we can come get you.....

Nothing can ever be good again unless you come home..... I have not been able to focus on work - read a book - scrapbook - or anything else like that..... You know what it means if I cannot scrapbook..... I try but then I think of the night you left and I am not having any fun working on anything.....

I was suppose to work until tomorrow evening but I was not feeling well this evening so I am going home early tomorrow morning... I am worried about your dad being home alone - really good that we have Susan, Heinrich and the girls - they look after him very well if I am not there..... Nicole really miss Stokkie - she cries often - just want to know if you are ok - do you have food to eat, etc.

One thing that you may not realize if that there are so many people that love you..... We all need you in our lives because it is just not the same without you....

We miss you more and more with every passing day......

Love you so much!!
Dad and Ma

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-14 - 08:00pm

Today I almost spoke to you.....   It was so close - it made me cry,  I am so happy that you are OK but I miss you soooo much - have you ever missed someone so much that it hurts?  I already send you a note on Facebook tonight so I am not going to make this long.....

I had to go on my knees tonight to thank God that you are OK...  and also to ask that God will keep you safe.  Maybe he can work to soften your heart so that you can forgive us and also make you realize how much we love you, miss you and need you (and I am not talking about dishes, or mowing the lawn or things like that...)  I am talking about you being a SON to us and we being PARENTS to you.....    No rules.....   just love and trust and respect.... 

Here is something that I read today that I would like to share with you:

One day I stood in the ocean, thinking of you,
God asked me "how long do u need this person in your life?"
A tear rolled down my face and dropped into the ocean,
I answered "until this tear drop is found" 

I could not have said it any better...   Hope you know how much we love you, miss you and need you in our lives!!!

If nothing else - please do this for us - this one last thing that we ask of you….  The worst thing that can happen is that you lose a few months of what you are working on today....  Is that not worth a shot?

Love you,
Dad and Ma

Monday, March 12, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-12 - 11:30pm

GED Graduation!!
 I was at the airport for five hours last night before my flight was cancelled....  It was not all bad - I was able to write last nights blog.  The good thing is that I get to spend two extra days at home - the bad is that I now only fly home on Friday which makes for a really short weekend considering that I need to fly back to work again on Sunday afternoon.....  This is going to be very short and sweet tonight.....  I am tired and tomorrow is going to be another long day - working all day and flying out tomorrow night - don't get to the hotel before 12:30am.....

David and Renee was here this afternoon - they brought yummy stew for us - you know how David cooks so you would have LOVED the food.....    David has been really sick but he looks so much better these days...   I am sure that it is a great relief for all of them... 

We were driving to pick up your dad's truck from the dealership and while we were driving he said something very nice....  he said that he is so proud of you for what you have accomplished in a very short time....  I know that he regrets not telling you that....    he assumed a lot of things and two of the most important is that he assumed you knew that he loves you even if he was hard on you and he assumed that you knew that he is proud of you.....   In hindsight - we now know that you didn't know that....   but believe me - it is VERY true.....

I hope that you had enough to eat, a warm place to sleep and a map in your heart that will lead you back home to us - the ones that love you unconditionally!!!

Love you and miss you very very much,

Dad and Ma

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-11 - 09:00pm

Please don't think that I am lazy or that I have forgotten about you because I am not writing.... on the contrary - I have never been more busy in my life.... a busy that I wish I did not have to do but at the same time - given the circumstances - would not choose to do anything else even if I could.... looking for you has become our number one priority – we are working on whatever we can to find you….. and while we are at it – we are praying for your safety.

I will start with last Monday morning.... I was at work in Norfolk, Virginia and I received a phone call from a police detective.... my heart almost stopped.... he said that the police in Louisiana found you and that you were ok but you said that you did not want to talk with anyone at home and that you were not going to call.....

There was no time to be sad - I prayed and thanked God that you were ok.... under normal circumstances I might have been sad but the fact that you were ok was so WONDERFUL that nothing could damper that feeling... Shortly after that your dad called me and we were on the phone for a good five minutes without saying a word to each other but at the same time saying everything.... I went back to the hotel and the first person that I called was your mom.... I think that was probably the first night that she slept also....

All we knew was that you were on a bike last weekend - 40 miles before New Orleans and you were heading east to a beach..... That could be anywhere……

Before I even continue – THANK YOU so much for all the prayers all over the world….. please don’t stop praying that God will keep Rocky safe and that he will know how much he is loved, wanted and needed at home…..

Susan and your dad drove to New Orleans on Monday afternoon - your dad was still very sick at that stage but there was nothing that was going to stop him from any chance of finding you.... they knew where you were seen over the weekend and they drove around until 4am Tuesday morning with no luck... they slept for three hours and then started again at 8am until late in the afternoon before the decided to drive home – a five hour drive….

I changed my flight and flew home on Tuesday night to be home when your dad got home.... disappointed and alone... I don't think that you have any idea how much he actually cares about you - actually both of us care about you..... Not even to talk about so many other people that are worried sick about you….
I worked from home on Wednesday and Thursday and as soon as I stopped working on Thursday afternoon we got in the car and headed back to New Orleans..... In the meanwhile Debbie flew in from California and Susan was back and ready to go again….. We started driving with the intention of driving as far as Gulfport Mississippi…… that was pretty far but we figured that we could do it……

We – once again – drove around for hours in the area where you were last seen – we so badly just wanted to know that you had food to eat – that you had a safe place to sleep….. We even brought you some clothes, etc. just in case you did not want to come home…. Your dad packed your bag so I have no idea what is in there and he did that for you so I will not interfere  :-)

We stayed in a hotel Thursday night in New Orleans and started driving early towards Gulfport Mississippi….. We wanted to go to the nearest beach and stay as close as we could to the beach to see if there was any sign of you…. That in itself was going to be like fining a needle in a haystack but to find you – totally worth it!!!

Now we were looking for a person on a bike that is heading to the beach….. Pretty crazy hey but your dad and I both knew that if we did not do this we would regret it for the rest of our lives…. The entire time I am praying: “If Rocky can only know how much we love and miss him this could all be so different.”….. but how will you know if we did not tell you…..?

Well Gulfport, Mississippi turned into Biloxi, Mississippi turned into Mobile, Alabama turned into Pensacola, Florida……. Yes, I said Florida….. Like I said – to the ends of the earth for you.... Now it is late in the afternoon and we are in Florida…..

While we have been driving, every time your dad sees one of us dozing off he gets so mad at us because we are there to look for you…..   and we all know that but we were all so tired by now…..   Every time we see a bicycle we are hopeful just to turn around disappointed again…. We may be disappointed but we will NEVER stop until we find you!!!

We started driving back from Florida on Friday evening….. Spent the night in a hotel in Mobile, Alabama and once again was on the road early Saturday morning……

We knew that this was our last chance – if we did not find you then, you will be missing once again to us…..
We saw the most beautiful flowers and your dad said that he wanted some – just as well….. We stopped to buy some and he then realized that we left his wallet on the back of the truck and that it is gone…… you can only imagine….. We backtracked and went all the way back to the gas station…. Did not find anything….. believe it or not, just then his phone rang – a guy that owned a local bar drove over his wallet – picket it up – and called the number on the business card…. Can you believe that…… he was less than a block away from where we were at that moment….. Your dad jumped out, got the wallet from him and hugged the guy…. Debbie, Susan and I all looked at each other – if he did that for his wallet we don’t even want to think what he is going to do when he finds you…..

Just outside of New Orleans later that afternoon there was a lady next to the highway walking her dog – it was an old dog and once he starts walking he just does not stop… he got away from her and there was no way that she could catch him – so – your dad turned the truck around, jumped out and caught the dog for her…. She was so grateful so a movie that I saw a long long time ago came to mind…. Play It Forward – the gist of the movie is that if someone does something good to you, don’t repay that person – instead, help another person that is in need……. In other words – Pay-it-Forward…..

We just kept on going and finally got home just before 1am on Sunday morning….. We never stopped looking for one minute…. We never stopped praying for one minutes…. We never stopped hoping for one minute….

We are all disappointed that we did not find you but we are still praying that God will keep you safe and work in your heart to contact us or to come back home….

Hope you sleep well and know that we will always love you and we really miss you!!

Dad and Ma

Friday, March 9, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-09 - 08:00pm

I hope you had a wonderful day..... I spent mine with three people that I really love, and still it was one of the days that I hope I can soon forget..... not knowing where you are...

No matter how many miles we drive or how far we go or what all we try, even if you are not willing to forgive and forget, every second of our search is worth it.... we will wait forever if it means that you will someday come home.... of course yesterday could not be soon enough for us....

Your dad drove 1400 miles earlier this week and we drove more than 1000 miles in the past 24 hours - we have about the same amount to go tomorrow, knowing that only with God's grace could we ever find you... for us right now one in million means there is a chance....

Rocky, I have no idea what you are thinking but believe this - we love you and you mean the world to us. Not only do we want you to come home, we need you and our lives can never go on without you...

Please sleep well and know that we love you more than words can say...

Dad and Ma

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-08 - 11:30pm

I cannot go to sleep unless I write something to you. We have all been thinking and talking about you and it makes me wonder if you don't miss any of it....

Sometimes life is really tough but you just keep living... you face everyday and somehow you get through it.... it is hard enough if you choose it for yourself... it is so much harder if there if nothing that you can do to make it better.... I pray everyday that somehow you will read this and just come home.....

I know that we had our moments where things were not so good but then I think of the extra large pizzas that we order for the weekend when your dad is not there... going to IHOP... Double Dave's Pizza ...... Vampire Diaries ....and lots of other things and I have to wonder if none of it meant even a little to you?

How can someone just walk away from it all with not as much as a goodbye ... no phone call to say where you are or that you are doing fine.....

I know that we were not the best parents in the world but we never quit loving you....

Some mornings I just have to pray that God gives me the strength to get through the day....

We love you and we miss you so much..

Dad and Ma

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-07 - 10:30pm

I am so sorry that I did not write last night....  I flew back to Houston from Norfolk so I did not get home until 2am....   still a little tired but at least I am home.

I am a little disappointed (not in you) in the fact that you are not home already but I am very sad that you are going throught this alone.  I wish I was a better "mom" to you but I know that I was not....  I know this was a very "expensive" lesson for me but I have to say Thank You for the learning experience.  Someone once said: "What does not kill you makes you a better person"....  We all learn from our mistakes and I have learnt so much from this and I know that I will be so much better at this ongoing...  I really hope and pray that you have the courage to come back home....    I know that it takes more to come back than what it took to leave in the first place (and I know that took a lot) but I know that you are strong....  you are a survivor....   

I know that you are a Christian so I know that with God looking after you, I don't have to worry day-in and day-out about you anymore - it was driving me crazy....  you are an adult and a responsable one at that, so, we need to trust you and trust that you will do the right thing.....   

I am also not going to ask you to call us again....  You know that we are at the phone waiting for you and will go to the ends of the earth to bring you back - so say the word and we will be there....  The past two years was not all bad - I can think of some really nice things...   getting your GED and your graduation.....   driving your own car.....     fishing.....  playing golf.....   our trip to Washington DC...... our special times with the Walters - our special times with the Smit's (Stokkie) - it was not all bad all the time....  

Is it not worth one last try to get to know your dad?  What do you have to lose?  Just give it six months and if you are not happy you can do whatever you want and we will respect and support your decision ...

I know that it is very hard to do the right thing...  but I know that you can do it.....    Please don't be to proud.

James 4:6  Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Love you very much and really miss you

Dad and Ma

Monday, March 5, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-05 - 07:00pm

I am not going to write much tonight - except that we love you and we wish that you were home.  I have to focus on my work and on my sleep so I will write again tomorrow night...

Until then - I hope that you have a great night and that you think happy thoughts of us.

Love you
Dad and Ma

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-04 - 11:59pm

It is pretty late (1:30am) and I have to be at work early but I cannot put this off until tomorrow.... Putting things off until tomorrow is the reason why I am writing to you as opposed to talking to you....

I had a thought tonight....

I realized that you were trying so hard to be everything that everyone else around you wanted you to be that you never really had time to just be you.... If you are not happy with yourself, no relationship that you enter into will ever work out.... I hope that you take this the right way - you are a great person and you should not have to change for anyone.... adapt a little, yes, but completely change, that is not good for anyone. 
To have a good relationship you need a good foundation - if your foundation is built on a lie that is not a very strong foundation.  It also takes a lifetime to build a good relationship...  we can't give up if things don't go the way we want them to....   the only way to get what you want in life is to fight for it...  I am trying now but without your help I can not make it work....

I know you really want to build a relationship with your dad and I am telling you, NOW is the time. There is no ways that I am going to lie to you just to lose you again..... that I promise you.  Please just give him a second change.... actually give both of us a second change - believe me - you will not be sorry. I know that you want to prove to us that you can go out in the world and make it on your own - I understand that and I have no doubt that you can or will - but I don't think that this is the right time to do it or the the right way you went about this... I know that you are hurting and at the same time you are hurting so many people that you love (and that loves you) and if I know nothing else, I know that you will never intentionally hurt anyone... that is not in you... 

I cannot say that no good came from this because it got me praying - mostly for you to be safe and to come home...  but once you do you can teach me a thing or two...  I would love to learn from you.

I looked at the "Stepmother" card today that you make me for Mothers day... that was so thoughtful and so sweet... I look at it often and I have to laugh.... you always try to make other people happy..... Work with me and we will try to make you happy!!  PLEASE!

Please just bury your pride and be brave once again and come back home. You have had to be brave so many times in your life... and I am truly sorry about that... please give us one more chance to make you happy!!!

Rocky - we really love you and we need you!!!

Your dad was in the Urgent Care yesterday morning.... he has been as sick as a dog...  In the 21+ years that we have been married I have never seen him like this... I am not trying to make you feel guilty - that is the last thing I want - what I am trying to do is make you realize that if you don't give him another chance he will NEVER get over this.  This is not your fault but you are the only one that can fix this.  And maybe you don't want to anymore - all I ask is that you tell him that in person.  I promise you - he will listen to you.

Sleep well and remember we love you and we miss you!!

Dad and Ma

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-03 - 07:00pm


It has been four weeks today..... there are so many scary things going on around here that I am really worried for you..... I really hope that you have learnt something over the years that you would not allow yourself into a sitation that you cannot handle.... I know that you are a very strong person and that you are extremely bright - but you are also very trusting and not everthing is what it seems... remember that not all friendly people can be trusted....   Enough of me being scared for you....

I found something today and even though I did not write it, it somehow seems to fit so perfect with just how I feel. It is by Lisa Riggin...

I am so sorry.
There's nothing fair or right about any of this,
and nothing I can say will make it okay - much as I wish I could.

There's so much suffering and loss given these times we're in,
but you've got to believe it's because of the times and not because of you that this is happeing.

I know that's true, because I know you.
Youre intelligence, your humor, your hard work, and your attitude
are just a few of the reasons that I also know
you will get through this -
and you know I'm hoping that happens sooner
rather than later.

So please, when you're ready, take heart,
take care, and trust that everything really will turn out okay.....

Remember more than anything in the world: Trust in GOD and HE will lead you home....

We really love you so if you see this please come home.

Lots of Love
Dad and Ma

Friday, March 2, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-02 - 10:00pm

Despite of what you may think - our lives are so much worse off without you then with you..... and I know what you are thinking - washing dishes, help mow the lawn, wash the windows... none of that matters... when I walk in the house it is just not the same.... I yell at you for running in the house but you always come running in to say hi when I get home from the airport - and that is kind of nice....

No one else will understand this but when you get back we will treat you like a cat in this house... I look at the two little ones and I ask them time and again to go find "Boetie" but they just look at me like I am crazy... :-)

If anyone is reading this tonight and know where Rocky is - PLEASE tell him that we love him and that we really need him home with us.

I have been praying all day today for you to come home.... I know that most people are not saying it but they believe that you are not coming home... I will not believe that for one moment.... I received a phone call from work today and it was so upsetting that it made me cry... I understand what people are saying but I will NEVER believe that....

I hope that you sleep well and remember - we love you and we really miss you!!!

Dad and Ma

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-03-01 - 06:00pm

I started writing this note about ten times tonight but I just cannot find the right words.... It has now been almost four weeks.... man, it feels more like four months to me... it feels like I have not slept in that long... I am sure you feel the same.... you have to much of a conscience to not let this bother you... I don’t know much but I do know that you care.

I have one thing that I still need to say to you... The night that you left I came and spoke to you and not long after that I sent you a text message... You texted me back that you loved us but I never saw that until the next morning…. I feel so bad that I did not see it and somehow I feel that if I responded to you right away you might not have left. I am really sorry about that... I want to say that you know that we love you but I am not sure that you do... Just so you know, we really do love you...

I had a call from Debbie today – actually I have a call from Debbie every day - they are all just as woried about you. She said that she had a dream last night...... Her, Regan and the girls where all here and when she looked up you where walking down the driveway..... She asked you where you where all this time and you told her that you were at the beach and that you lost track of time.... It made me smile because you do daydream - or maybe you get lost in thought and I can see you being so pulled into your surroundings that you will get lost in it and also lose track of time.... And that is not a bad thing....

I BELIEVE that you will come home when you are ready.... Know that you will always be welcome back - this is your home and everything is waiting for you just the way you left it - like I said before - we (yes, both of us) will come and get you no matter where you are.... from this moment on things will never be the same - and I will tell you this much - it is most certainly for the better for all of us... I am not trying to convince you and I am not trying to persuade you.... You have to do what you believe in your heart is the right thing to do and you have to do it when you are ready to do it… all I ask is that you let us know that you are OK…. We are all very worried about you and whether we want to or not, it is giving all of us sleepless nights.

We all just want to let you know that we LOVE you very much – Dad, me, Regan, Debbie and the girls, Heinrich, Susan and the girls, all your cousins, aunts, uncles.... and last but not the least – the people at the college – they are all very concerned about you...

One last thing before I say goodnight - there is nothing good about the fact that you left except that I now pray every day... and I will never again stop because without that I am not sure that I would have gotten through the past four weeks.

I hope you sleep very well tonight...

Lots of Love
Dad and Ma