As much as I want to write tonight - I don't know what to say.... it is almost as if the words have dried up and there is nothing left to say...... I think that we need to come to a point in our lives and with this situation that we have to say - enough is enough..... we have really done as much as we can..... like I mentioned - we will go to the ends of the earth to find you but we cannot keep going on like this.... it really is going to kill one of us if we don't take care of ourselves. You dad is in a really bad state right now and I am very worried about him.
I will keep updating the blog for as long as it takes for you to come home - other than that there is nothing more that we can do. You are 27 years old and if you don't want to come home and don't want to be here with us, you know what, it is your choice and pretty much nothing we can do about it.
That being said:
- We are not giving up on you;
- We are not and will never be mad at you for this;
- You will always have a place in our hearts and in our home - no matter what;
- We will welcome you back with open arms anytime you change your mind and want to come back;
- If you ever need help, we are just a phone call away;
- If you ever need to come home and need us to come get you, we will not think twice - we will be there so fast it will make your head spin;
- We love you very much;
- We miss you very much;
- We will worry about you every day - nothing we can do to change that;
- We will do anything to have you back but now it has to come from your side.
Please don't take this the wrong way.... You now have to come home on your own.... If you are to proud and to stubburn, we cannot keep chasing you around the country. This is a two way street and we are standing halfway waiting for you to come and meet us.. It is now up to you to come the rest of the way. We are going to do the best we can to go on with out daily business and I can tell you now, it is going to be really hard... but we cannot keep blaming ourselves and stop living.
We have appologized to you many times and it is up to you to forgive us....
We love you and we miss you very much and we will be patiently waiting for you to come home.....
LOVE, HUGS & KISSES;
Dad and Ma
Monday, April 30, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-29 - 11:59pm
Sad - Alone - Depressed - Bored - Mad (at himself) - Pretending (to be happy)....
Those are all words that I will use to describe your dad right now...... I don't want to start this week on a negative note because I believe that this is going to be a great week.
Rocky, I know the last few days (or maybe even weeks) I have been a little negative.... I am sorry about that..... When it comes to you I have nothing to be negative about..... You are always nice to people, you are very well mannered, you are kind, generous, neat, proud...... and many more comes to mind. It is also some of the things that might keep you from coming home...... There is an old song with the words "Oh Lord it is hard to be humble"..... How true that is... We are afraid to admit that maybe we reacted a little strong.... Or maybe we should have done this or that.... The thing that keeps us from admitting is most often not the fact that we overreacted.... it is our pride that gets in the way...
Your dad and I have been admitting to all that would hear that this is NOT YOUR FAULT, that we did not always do right by you..... If this is what is holding you back from coming home or talking with us, there are many ways to get by that, to not have to face the people at the college, one way would be to transfer to Tomball.....but unless you come home or at least contact us, we cannot help you...
We worry about you 24 hours a day 7 days of the week..... That means for the past 85 days we have not slept very much..... It is affecting every aspect of our lives...... people tell us: "Take care of yourselves"....... but how can we do that if we did such a bad job of taking care of you? We are not important at this stage... The only thing that matters is to find you and to bring you home......
Well - got to go but remember - we love you very much and we miss you something terrible.....
LOVE, HUGS and KISSES!!!
Dad and Ma
PS: Today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.....
Those are all words that I will use to describe your dad right now...... I don't want to start this week on a negative note because I believe that this is going to be a great week.
Rocky, I know the last few days (or maybe even weeks) I have been a little negative.... I am sorry about that..... When it comes to you I have nothing to be negative about..... You are always nice to people, you are very well mannered, you are kind, generous, neat, proud...... and many more comes to mind. It is also some of the things that might keep you from coming home...... There is an old song with the words "Oh Lord it is hard to be humble"..... How true that is... We are afraid to admit that maybe we reacted a little strong.... Or maybe we should have done this or that.... The thing that keeps us from admitting is most often not the fact that we overreacted.... it is our pride that gets in the way...
Your dad and I have been admitting to all that would hear that this is NOT YOUR FAULT, that we did not always do right by you..... If this is what is holding you back from coming home or talking with us, there are many ways to get by that, to not have to face the people at the college, one way would be to transfer to Tomball.....but unless you come home or at least contact us, we cannot help you...
We worry about you 24 hours a day 7 days of the week..... That means for the past 85 days we have not slept very much..... It is affecting every aspect of our lives...... people tell us: "Take care of yourselves"....... but how can we do that if we did such a bad job of taking care of you? We are not important at this stage... The only thing that matters is to find you and to bring you home......
Well - got to go but remember - we love you very much and we miss you something terrible.....
LOVE, HUGS and KISSES!!!
Dad and Ma
PS: Today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.....
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-28 - 11:59pm
Today was not one of those normal days... Today was very stressful. Your dad just wanted to get in the car tonight and drive to who-knows-where to find you.... There are a few problems with that:
- Where do we drive to?
- Who do we talk to?
- What if you see us and want nothing to do with us?
- Where do we start?
There are just so many questions and no answers..... It can be so easy if you just call us. Let us discuss this. We will not fight with you to come home... We just want to talk with you....
I do my best to be positive but it is so hard to stay that way.... I pray every day.... I don't know exactly what to ask for.... I know the most important thing is to keep you safe, to make sure that you have enough to eat, to make sure that you have a safe and warm place to sleep...... I just pray that one person to which I sent a letter will contact me so that we get a new clue... That way at least we can have a starting point.
I am not sure why I am sharing thing with you.... If you are reading this and don't do anything you probably don't care. If you are not then we will never know. My gut feeling tells me that if you were reading this you would have contacted us a long time ago... Now, how do we get you to read this? I sent it to your email, facebook, posted it on flyers, have it on my facebook page.... What am I missing?
I am on vacation so we will most like get in the car and drive somewhere tomorrow or Monday.... We will continue looking until we have no more money left.... We cannot and will not ever give up on you...... We need to find you and I pray to God that we find you this time.
This is really hard on your dad, it is hard on me also and it makes it even worse that I have to worry about both of you. I see what this is doing to your dad and it is killing me.
It is past midnight and I have to get to bed... Not sure where we are going and what we will be doing but if my prayers are answered, we might see you soon.
We love you very much and we would do anything to get you to come home with us.
LOVE, HUGS & KISSES,
Dad and Ma
- Where do we drive to?
- Who do we talk to?
- What if you see us and want nothing to do with us?
- Where do we start?
There are just so many questions and no answers..... It can be so easy if you just call us. Let us discuss this. We will not fight with you to come home... We just want to talk with you....
I do my best to be positive but it is so hard to stay that way.... I pray every day.... I don't know exactly what to ask for.... I know the most important thing is to keep you safe, to make sure that you have enough to eat, to make sure that you have a safe and warm place to sleep...... I just pray that one person to which I sent a letter will contact me so that we get a new clue... That way at least we can have a starting point.
I am not sure why I am sharing thing with you.... If you are reading this and don't do anything you probably don't care. If you are not then we will never know. My gut feeling tells me that if you were reading this you would have contacted us a long time ago... Now, how do we get you to read this? I sent it to your email, facebook, posted it on flyers, have it on my facebook page.... What am I missing?
I am on vacation so we will most like get in the car and drive somewhere tomorrow or Monday.... We will continue looking until we have no more money left.... We cannot and will not ever give up on you...... We need to find you and I pray to God that we find you this time.
This is really hard on your dad, it is hard on me also and it makes it even worse that I have to worry about both of you. I see what this is doing to your dad and it is killing me.
It is past midnight and I have to get to bed... Not sure where we are going and what we will be doing but if my prayers are answered, we might see you soon.
We love you very much and we would do anything to get you to come home with us.
LOVE, HUGS & KISSES,
Dad and Ma
Friday, April 27, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-27 - 11:59pm
Hi Rocky,
I hope that you are going to have a wonderful weekend.... We really miss you so much but I hope that you are at least happy.... I cannot blame you for anything but I want to tell you that you are causing a lot of pain for a lot of people..... Your dad and Heinrich went dirt bike riding today and I spent the day with Susan and the girls.... All we did all day today was talk about you... Wondering if you are ok.... Wondering if you even give us a second thought.
I don’t think there is a day that goes by that I wonder if we are ever going to see you again.... Rocky, that is a really hard thing for anyone to accept.... I know that you may think.... who am I to tell you what to do or what to think.... I live with your dad and I know what he is like.... He is not a person that shows his feeling or even admits to having feelings... But you know what? He is a really kind person that will do anything for anyone in need... When they were in New Orleans searching for you they went to a Greyhound bus station and there was a women crying because she had problems and needed to go back home - thousands of miles away.... You know what he did.... He paid for her to get her luggage home with her..... He does things like that that no-one knows about..... He does not brag about it.... And yet there are so many people that judge him.... He is so used to being used by people and then when they have no more use for him, they cast him aside like an old rag.... That is the story of his life and it is really hard for him to trust people.... It takes time but I can promise you, he comes around and when he does, it is so worth the wait..... Please don't give up on your dad. I beg you for his sake and for your sake.
I know that he loves you... I know that he cares about you... But you two are so much alike.... You are just so much more trusting then him so please, I beg you, please give him a call... Please at least give him an opportunity to apologize to you. I am going to give you the toll free numbers again on you Facebook email.... You can call anytime and talk as long as you want - you will not pay for the call if you call from a call box.
As much as I would love o talk with you I know that that is not important to you at this stage.
I was Scrapbooking tonight and I am doing it again tomorrow.... That is my way with dealing with the fact that you left. We try to think of everything that we can do to get you back home but what can we do? The law is not on our side so we are pretty much out of luck. Your documents expire soon and after that I am not sure that there is anything that we can do to help you to stay. Please don't jeopardize your future.... You might think that you know what is best for you at this stage but believe me, this is not a game... This is not something that is going to be excused down the line. Look at Sarel - he stayed over his limit - we just did not know any better - he was banned for 10 years and still now there is no guarantee that he will actually get a visa. Remember this is not only about you - it is also about your future family - your future children.... You have to think of their future also.... Please at least strive to give them a better life than you have had.
Rocky, you know that I love you and you know that I only want what is best for you.... Please please let us help you.....
I am out of ways to make you understand how sorry we are....
I am out of ways to make you see that we love you very much....
I am out of ways to make you see that we are proud of you....
I am out of ways to make you see that we want you home with us....
We live you and we miss you so much!!!!
Love
Dad and Ma
I hope that you are going to have a wonderful weekend.... We really miss you so much but I hope that you are at least happy.... I cannot blame you for anything but I want to tell you that you are causing a lot of pain for a lot of people..... Your dad and Heinrich went dirt bike riding today and I spent the day with Susan and the girls.... All we did all day today was talk about you... Wondering if you are ok.... Wondering if you even give us a second thought.
I don’t think there is a day that goes by that I wonder if we are ever going to see you again.... Rocky, that is a really hard thing for anyone to accept.... I know that you may think.... who am I to tell you what to do or what to think.... I live with your dad and I know what he is like.... He is not a person that shows his feeling or even admits to having feelings... But you know what? He is a really kind person that will do anything for anyone in need... When they were in New Orleans searching for you they went to a Greyhound bus station and there was a women crying because she had problems and needed to go back home - thousands of miles away.... You know what he did.... He paid for her to get her luggage home with her..... He does things like that that no-one knows about..... He does not brag about it.... And yet there are so many people that judge him.... He is so used to being used by people and then when they have no more use for him, they cast him aside like an old rag.... That is the story of his life and it is really hard for him to trust people.... It takes time but I can promise you, he comes around and when he does, it is so worth the wait..... Please don't give up on your dad. I beg you for his sake and for your sake.
I know that he loves you... I know that he cares about you... But you two are so much alike.... You are just so much more trusting then him so please, I beg you, please give him a call... Please at least give him an opportunity to apologize to you. I am going to give you the toll free numbers again on you Facebook email.... You can call anytime and talk as long as you want - you will not pay for the call if you call from a call box.
As much as I would love o talk with you I know that that is not important to you at this stage.
I was Scrapbooking tonight and I am doing it again tomorrow.... That is my way with dealing with the fact that you left. We try to think of everything that we can do to get you back home but what can we do? The law is not on our side so we are pretty much out of luck. Your documents expire soon and after that I am not sure that there is anything that we can do to help you to stay. Please don't jeopardize your future.... You might think that you know what is best for you at this stage but believe me, this is not a game... This is not something that is going to be excused down the line. Look at Sarel - he stayed over his limit - we just did not know any better - he was banned for 10 years and still now there is no guarantee that he will actually get a visa. Remember this is not only about you - it is also about your future family - your future children.... You have to think of their future also.... Please at least strive to give them a better life than you have had.
Rocky, you know that I love you and you know that I only want what is best for you.... Please please let us help you.....
I am out of ways to make you understand how sorry we are....
I am out of ways to make you see that we love you very much....
I am out of ways to make you see that we are proud of you....
I am out of ways to make you see that we want you home with us....
We live you and we miss you so much!!!!
Love
Dad and Ma
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-25 - 10:00pm
Hi Rocky,
I am looking forward to my vacation next week. I really wish that you were here so we could do things together.... Imagine, fishing, golfing, watching a new movie in the theather.... nothing fancy - just spend quality time togethet. I cannot tell you how much we would LOVE to have you back home with us. I just want to relax and have fun with the two most important people in my life.
I need to drink 5-Hour-Energy in the day to keep me awake and I have to drink sleeping pills at night to make me sleep..... I know that is not good for me but I don't know how else I can get through the days at work and through the nights in the hotel and lately even at home. It has been way to long and I am not sure how long I can keep doing this. I guess that I will have to keep doing this until I collapse one day and sleep for a months..... Until then I will make sure that I write to you every night.
I don't have to much news today - your dad is building trailers again. I know that he misses you very much and if he does not stay busy it will drive him crazy. He called me tonight and we are going to sell the big trailer - the one with the Big-5 on.... We really won't use it again so there is no reason to let it sit in the barn and let is get old.
I am working on your scrapbook.... I just wish that I had more photo's of when you were younger... you were to cute with your curly blond hair..... and you were so friendly.... never cried - always smiling... I guess that not a lot has changed. You are still always friendly, always smiling.... I really miss that. I often ask myself the question: "Will I ever see Rocky again?". I doubted it in the beginning but then last night, I did my bible study and I prayed and you know what, I believe that I will. I believe that you are coming home and I believe that this is going to be a Cindarella-kind-of-story... What I mean by that is that this story is going to have a happy ending.
- You are going to come home
- We are going to live "Happily Ever After"
- You are going to have the relationship with you dad that you always wanted
- We already love you - now we are going to prove it to you
- You are going to have the life that you deserve
- You are not going to have anyone preasure you anynmore....
- You are going to be happy....
What do you have to lose? Come and give it a try - not for your Dad, not for your Mom, and most certainly not for me..... do it for yourself. Be your own person and it you don't like it, we will support you in whatever you do - from now on you will have our full support in everything you do.
Just remember, we might not always agree but that does not mean we love you any less. We may have arguments or fights but from now on everyone will get a chance to say what they have to without being inteerrupted......
Rocky, I pray for you tonight - I pray that God will open your eyes tonight so that you can find your way home. He will help you to see that we are not all bad - that there is some good in us dispite what you may think. Again tonight, I want to state that none of this was your fault. This was totally becuase of us that you left and we don't want anyone to think otherwise. This is the truth so if anyone prays for anyone I want people to pray for you because you deserve it.... You deserve to be happy and you deserve a second chance.
We love you very much and talk to you again tomorrow.
LOVE - HUGS - KISSES
Dad and Ma
I am looking forward to my vacation next week. I really wish that you were here so we could do things together.... Imagine, fishing, golfing, watching a new movie in the theather.... nothing fancy - just spend quality time togethet. I cannot tell you how much we would LOVE to have you back home with us. I just want to relax and have fun with the two most important people in my life.
I need to drink 5-Hour-Energy in the day to keep me awake and I have to drink sleeping pills at night to make me sleep..... I know that is not good for me but I don't know how else I can get through the days at work and through the nights in the hotel and lately even at home. It has been way to long and I am not sure how long I can keep doing this. I guess that I will have to keep doing this until I collapse one day and sleep for a months..... Until then I will make sure that I write to you every night.
I don't have to much news today - your dad is building trailers again. I know that he misses you very much and if he does not stay busy it will drive him crazy. He called me tonight and we are going to sell the big trailer - the one with the Big-5 on.... We really won't use it again so there is no reason to let it sit in the barn and let is get old.
I am working on your scrapbook.... I just wish that I had more photo's of when you were younger... you were to cute with your curly blond hair..... and you were so friendly.... never cried - always smiling... I guess that not a lot has changed. You are still always friendly, always smiling.... I really miss that. I often ask myself the question: "Will I ever see Rocky again?". I doubted it in the beginning but then last night, I did my bible study and I prayed and you know what, I believe that I will. I believe that you are coming home and I believe that this is going to be a Cindarella-kind-of-story... What I mean by that is that this story is going to have a happy ending.
- You are going to come home
- We are going to live "Happily Ever After"
- You are going to have the relationship with you dad that you always wanted
- We already love you - now we are going to prove it to you
- You are going to have the life that you deserve
- You are not going to have anyone preasure you anynmore....
- You are going to be happy....
What do you have to lose? Come and give it a try - not for your Dad, not for your Mom, and most certainly not for me..... do it for yourself. Be your own person and it you don't like it, we will support you in whatever you do - from now on you will have our full support in everything you do.
Just remember, we might not always agree but that does not mean we love you any less. We may have arguments or fights but from now on everyone will get a chance to say what they have to without being inteerrupted......
Rocky, I pray for you tonight - I pray that God will open your eyes tonight so that you can find your way home. He will help you to see that we are not all bad - that there is some good in us dispite what you may think. Again tonight, I want to state that none of this was your fault. This was totally becuase of us that you left and we don't want anyone to think otherwise. This is the truth so if anyone prays for anyone I want people to pray for you because you deserve it.... You deserve to be happy and you deserve a second chance.
We love you very much and talk to you again tomorrow.
LOVE - HUGS - KISSES
Dad and Ma
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-24 - 10:00pm
Hi Rocky,
I hope you had a good day today....
What did you do today? Where are you sleeping tonight? Are you hungry? Are you cold? What are you thnking? Do you miss us? Do you ever think that we might be missing you? Are you ok? Do you miss us as much as we miss you? Do you ever think of coming home? What is it that is stopping you from coming home?
All these questions - no answers. If only we could talk to you. There are so many things that we would like to say to you. If only there was a way that we could talk to you or see you it would make such a difference - even if you don't want to be here with us... even if you never want to see us again.... if we could only talk with you for two or three hours. At least we can resolve some issues and show you that we really love you - even if we don't really know how to show it. We have not been the best parents in the world but we do love you - dispite of what you may think.
Life is not always easy and sometimes we say and do things that we are not proud of.... but we often get a change to redeem ourselves - to set things right....
If only you could call us or let us know where you are so that we can have a conversation with you.... that would make a world of difference to us and I believe it would do the same for you. We will not try to bring you home if you don't want to come home but please please please just give us a chance to talk with you.
John 3:16 For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone that believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. 17 God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.
We love you and we ask you to contact us - on your terms - not ours.
Lots of love
Dad and Ma
What did you do today? Where are you sleeping tonight? Are you hungry? Are you cold? What are you thnking? Do you miss us? Do you ever think that we might be missing you? Are you ok? Do you miss us as much as we miss you? Do you ever think of coming home? What is it that is stopping you from coming home?
All these questions - no answers. If only we could talk to you. There are so many things that we would like to say to you. If only there was a way that we could talk to you or see you it would make such a difference - even if you don't want to be here with us... even if you never want to see us again.... if we could only talk with you for two or three hours. At least we can resolve some issues and show you that we really love you - even if we don't really know how to show it. We have not been the best parents in the world but we do love you - dispite of what you may think.
If only you could call us or let us know where you are so that we can have a conversation with you.... that would make a world of difference to us and I believe it would do the same for you. We will not try to bring you home if you don't want to come home but please please please just give us a chance to talk with you.
John 3:16 For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone that believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. 17 God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.
We love you and we ask you to contact us - on your terms - not ours.
Lots of love
Dad and Ma
Monday, April 23, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-23 - 11:00pm
Your dad was very upset this morning. He had a dream last night.....
He dreamt that he woke up when he felt someone lying down on the bed next to him. When he turned to face the other side of the bed you were lying on your back staring at the ceiling. He said that all you said was that you were happy that you were home. He said he put his hand on your sholder then he got up to go to the bathroom. When he got back you were sitting on the side of the bed..... Then he woke up.
It really upset him because it was so real.... and he was sad that it was only a dream and you were not there.
Rocky - he is really having a hard time with this. He so badly wants to make it up to you. We both do.
We love you very much and we would like nothing better than for you to call us so we can come and get you....
As always,
Dad and Ma
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-22 - 11:00pm
I did my bible study this morning and it came down to the fact that I have to hand my problems over to God and put my trust in Him and he will take it over form me..... As you know one of my biggest problems is the fact that I am a control freak - handing over control is very hard but I am working on it and I know that I can do it..... The question that I have is how will I know that what I am doing in part of the plan and what is considered interfering?
I do trust God but there is also a human factor involved and the devil on my shoulder that keeps wintering in my ear: "No one is going to help you. Unless you do this yourself it will not get done". My prayer today is that I will know the difference between interfering with the Master Plan and assisting with the Master Plan.
I posted a lot of pictures on my page today - all of you.... I am going to post more tonight or maybe tomorrow night - depending on how late we get to the hotel tonight. I did not realize how many pictures I have of you.... To me that is very exciting..... Pictures is my thing.... I am working on four books at the moment... one of them for you... I just wish that I had more pictures of you growing up.... Your mom send me really cute ones..... I love everyone of them....
I spoke to my mom today.... They call or text me every day to find out if we have heard anything..... You know what - it has been 78 days today and the people that started praying with me are still praying..... They are scattered all over the world... Like I said earlier on, we have 24 hour prayer coverage because of the different time zones...... Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, South Africa, The Netherlands, United Kingdom, Canada, USA, Mexico..... and I know is not all.......
Rocky, there is something that I would like to say to you.... Some people go to church and they sit in the front row for all to see..... but when it comes down to it they are not really nice people. You told me once that you don't have o go. Church to be a good person..... or to be close to God. You know what - you are right.... and I would like to explain why I am saying that:
.......... YOU never have anything bad to say about anyone;
.......... YOU never treat anyone bad;
.......... YOU always consider other people's feelings even if it hurts you;
.......... YOU are very hardworking;
.......... YOU only see the good in people;
.......... YOU are trusting - almost to a fault;
YOU are the type of person that we all should strive to be like..... It is just to bad that we only acknowledge this now......
You are an example for other people. You are the type of person that we should look up to.
I can keep going for the rest of the night but I am going to stop now...... Rocky, I pray tonight that God will open your eyes so that you can see that the best place for you are right here with us - or at least with your dad. If I have to stay in whatever city I end up working to help you and your dad sort out your relationship I will do that... I will do whatever it takes.
We really love you and we only want he best for you. We learnt the hard way but rather late than never.
Lots and lots of love
Dad and Ma
I do trust God but there is also a human factor involved and the devil on my shoulder that keeps wintering in my ear: "No one is going to help you. Unless you do this yourself it will not get done". My prayer today is that I will know the difference between interfering with the Master Plan and assisting with the Master Plan.
I posted a lot of pictures on my page today - all of you.... I am going to post more tonight or maybe tomorrow night - depending on how late we get to the hotel tonight. I did not realize how many pictures I have of you.... To me that is very exciting..... Pictures is my thing.... I am working on four books at the moment... one of them for you... I just wish that I had more pictures of you growing up.... Your mom send me really cute ones..... I love everyone of them....
I spoke to my mom today.... They call or text me every day to find out if we have heard anything..... You know what - it has been 78 days today and the people that started praying with me are still praying..... They are scattered all over the world... Like I said earlier on, we have 24 hour prayer coverage because of the different time zones...... Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, South Africa, The Netherlands, United Kingdom, Canada, USA, Mexico..... and I know is not all.......
Rocky, there is something that I would like to say to you.... Some people go to church and they sit in the front row for all to see..... but when it comes down to it they are not really nice people. You told me once that you don't have o go. Church to be a good person..... or to be close to God. You know what - you are right.... and I would like to explain why I am saying that:
.......... YOU never have anything bad to say about anyone;
.......... YOU never treat anyone bad;
.......... YOU always consider other people's feelings even if it hurts you;
.......... YOU are very hardworking;
.......... YOU only see the good in people;
.......... YOU are trusting - almost to a fault;
YOU are the type of person that we all should strive to be like..... It is just to bad that we only acknowledge this now......
You are an example for other people. You are the type of person that we should look up to.
I can keep going for the rest of the night but I am going to stop now...... Rocky, I pray tonight that God will open your eyes so that you can see that the best place for you are right here with us - or at least with your dad. If I have to stay in whatever city I end up working to help you and your dad sort out your relationship I will do that... I will do whatever it takes.
We really love you and we only want he best for you. We learnt the hard way but rather late than never.
Lots and lots of love
Dad and Ma
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-21 - 07:00pm
The last few days has just been so much harder than the rest.... I know that I need to keep praying and not give up hope but with every day that passes it feels like you are forgetting about us so you no longer want to come home even if you could.... I guess that is the only conclusion that we can come to..... I am still hoping that you will somehow get to see this - or someone that is around you these days will see this and tell you how much we love you and how much we miss you and more than anything else, how much we would like for you to come back home to us. I cannot and will not believe that you will read this and decide to just ignore us.... you are way better than that. I still pray that you will get to see this and have it in your heart to forgive us and come back home to us....
I pray every day that you will come home.... Your dad has changed in a way that is hard for me to explain. I know that this is all good and you had to leave so that things could change.... but now I pray that you will come home so that we can show you that we are not so bad.... I promise you that.
We love you very much and we pray that you will be home soon!!
Lots and lost of love
Dad and Ma
Friday, April 20, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-20 - 07:00pm
Hi Rocky,
I did not write last night because when I came home I was waiting for you to come running out of your room.... Once again - nothing.... You are not here... As hard as I try to not let it bother me it makes me so sad to realize that you think that we don't want you here.... Oh how we miss you!!!!!
Today is a rainy day - you left on a rainy day and when it rains I always think that maybe today..... maybe today you will knock on the door....... Oh my gosh, what are we going to do if you don't come home soon..... Yes, I know that life will go on but we will be sad every single day..... When bad things happen to you, you don't ever get over it... you just learn to live with it.....
You still think about it every day.... It still bothers you every day.... You still miss the people that are no longer there (whether they died, had to leave for some reason or left without saying goodbye)... You never forget the people that made an impact on your life... Whether it was for a lifetime, a few years or a few days.... It does not make a difference. The hole that is left in your heart can only be healed if the person that left returns or when you have closure ....
I know in my last post I wrote that the question you have to ask before you do anything is: "What is the worst thing that can happen"..... That is a really positive way to look at life but you know what, I have been doing that for the most part of the last 25 years but since you left that is sooo hard... If I ask myself that question - the answer is that if you decide that you never want to come back again... Rocky, you know what, that scares me soooo much.... I don't know how we will survive that.....
I pray that you get to read this and that by some mirracle you decide on your own to come home.
We love you so much and we really miss you...
Love
Dad and Ma
I did not write last night because when I came home I was waiting for you to come running out of your room.... Once again - nothing.... You are not here... As hard as I try to not let it bother me it makes me so sad to realize that you think that we don't want you here.... Oh how we miss you!!!!!
Today is a rainy day - you left on a rainy day and when it rains I always think that maybe today..... maybe today you will knock on the door....... Oh my gosh, what are we going to do if you don't come home soon..... Yes, I know that life will go on but we will be sad every single day..... When bad things happen to you, you don't ever get over it... you just learn to live with it.....
You still think about it every day.... It still bothers you every day.... You still miss the people that are no longer there (whether they died, had to leave for some reason or left without saying goodbye)... You never forget the people that made an impact on your life... Whether it was for a lifetime, a few years or a few days.... It does not make a difference. The hole that is left in your heart can only be healed if the person that left returns or when you have closure ....
I know in my last post I wrote that the question you have to ask before you do anything is: "What is the worst thing that can happen"..... That is a really positive way to look at life but you know what, I have been doing that for the most part of the last 25 years but since you left that is sooo hard... If I ask myself that question - the answer is that if you decide that you never want to come back again... Rocky, you know what, that scares me soooo much.... I don't know how we will survive that.....
I pray that you get to read this and that by some mirracle you decide on your own to come home.
We love you so much and we really miss you...
Love
Dad and Ma
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-18 - 09:00pm
Hi Rocky,
I hope you are doing OK. You know, I told someone today that I am not sure what to write to you tonight and he said to me to write something positive. I really did not give it a second thought until now.... I normally don't have to think about it but tonight I wanted to write something special to you....
When I was in high school I was always know as someone's daughter, or someone's sister..... I was never known as just me.... I was in school with the same people for most of my 12 years at school.... and I loved all of them and I am still in contact with most of them..... BUT - I wanted to go somewhere where I could start over - we I would be just me..... My parents took me to the airport, I boarded a flight for the first time in my life and I flew to a city far from home. A stranger picked me up to the airport, dropped me off at the dorm and I never saw him again..... It was the start of my first time ever away from home but I had to deal with it.... all by myself.... I had no-one to talk to, no-one to share anything with.... I really missed my family and I could only go home once every six months..... to make things worse, the was a hurricane that hit my home town and for my first two weeks I could not even call home.... no contact for someone that was so close to their family and no way to even get close to home. I had no money to fly and no way to contact anyone that could help me or even tell me that my family was ok.....
So, in stead of enjoying my life in college like the other students did, I sat around feeling sorry for myself - thinking that I was all alone - no one to talk with - walking around like the cat stole my milk.....
The part that I did not see was what was going on back home.... I am one of four girls.... at that time only my youngest sister was still in high school. In one week my oldest sister moved to northern part of the country, I went off to college and my sister just younger than me went off to school even further than what I was..... Then the storm hit the city and all communication was lost.... So in one week my parents lost three of their four kids and for two weeks they could not check up on any one of us.... this almost killed my mother but I was so caught up in my own loneliness that not once did I think of my poor mother.....
My mother was (and still is) the type of person that made four kinds of breakfast every morning - we always got whatever we wanted for breakfast because my mom believed that if we walked out of the house and something should happen to us, at least she gave us whatever we wanted to eat. She is such a great mother and would most likely do ANYTHING for her children.....
Once we established communications again, my dad told me all of this and how hard it was for my mother... I know that it was hard for him also but of course he was a man so he never admitted it...
At that point I decided that I need to start being more positive - stop always looking at the negative and focus only on the positive.... It is very hard sometimes but there was always one question that I could ask myself before I made any big decision in my life: "What is the worst thing that could happen"? To this day I still live by that rule.....
While I was in college, I had no money.... sometimes I would have enough shampoo for just one more wash and I would worry about how I was going to wash my hair the next day.... "What is the worst thing that could happen?"... Asking someone if I can have a little bit of their shampoo? That is not so bad.... Then, that afternoon I would received a letter in the mail from my grandmother with enough money in to buy a bus ticket into the city and a bottle of shampoo.... In the end there was always a higher power that took care of us and knew what we needed.
After I finished college I move back home and not long after that I got my own apartment and moved in.... I had an apartment but I had no money for food or furniture.... I took a bus (that was free from the office) to my mom's house twice a week to go spend time with them and more than anything else, to go eat.... Not long after that I met your dad and when we were married five years I was offered a job in America..... We were both very close to my parents and at the same time we knew that you were somewhere in South Africa..... It was a really hard decision to make - and once again I thought: "What is the worst thing that could happen?" Well the answer was easy, the worst thing that could happen to me was getting back home with my parents... I would have to face the people that I worked with and ask for my job back but you know what - I will be with my family so that is worth everything else that I need to face.....
Well your dad and I moved to America - we came over with $100 and four suitcases of clothes. We got to Sacramento airport and had to drive a rental car to our hotel... We had a little piece of paper with directions on, had to drive a car on the wrong side of the road and talk to people that really did not understand a word that we were saying - even if we spoke English.... That was really hard and for the first year I just wanted to go home.... For the first month or so we did not have money for food.... some days we shared a $1 hamburger - the only food we had for a day..... It was hard times and we had to work really hard for everything that we have today.... and it was not always easy..... we had huge fights.... but in the end we were there for each other...... and believe me, both of us considered leaving at some point but we never did....
The one thing that kept me going throught all of this is family.... I have a wonderful Mother, three wonderful sisters, one brother-in-law and all the children, and when I married your dad, I was lucky enough to get three more wonderful sisters, three brother-in-laws and their children...... so you see, in the end, no matter how far you are from home, the one thing you can always count on is your family.
Tonight I would like to challenge you - if you come home: "What is the worst thing that can happen?". Things can be the same as what they were OR things can be better. Is it not worth a try? What do you have to lose?
I better get to sleep otherwise I will never be able to get out of bed in the morning.....
Rocky, if you don't know by now that we love you and we want you to come home, I really don't know what more to do to convice you. Sometimes you have to take a chance.... let us be the chance that you take this time..... Ask yourself: "What is the worst thing that can happen?"
We love you very much,
Dad and Ma
When I was in high school I was always know as someone's daughter, or someone's sister..... I was never known as just me.... I was in school with the same people for most of my 12 years at school.... and I loved all of them and I am still in contact with most of them..... BUT - I wanted to go somewhere where I could start over - we I would be just me..... My parents took me to the airport, I boarded a flight for the first time in my life and I flew to a city far from home. A stranger picked me up to the airport, dropped me off at the dorm and I never saw him again..... It was the start of my first time ever away from home but I had to deal with it.... all by myself.... I had no-one to talk to, no-one to share anything with.... I really missed my family and I could only go home once every six months..... to make things worse, the was a hurricane that hit my home town and for my first two weeks I could not even call home.... no contact for someone that was so close to their family and no way to even get close to home. I had no money to fly and no way to contact anyone that could help me or even tell me that my family was ok.....
The part that I did not see was what was going on back home.... I am one of four girls.... at that time only my youngest sister was still in high school. In one week my oldest sister moved to northern part of the country, I went off to college and my sister just younger than me went off to school even further than what I was..... Then the storm hit the city and all communication was lost.... So in one week my parents lost three of their four kids and for two weeks they could not check up on any one of us.... this almost killed my mother but I was so caught up in my own loneliness that not once did I think of my poor mother.....
Once we established communications again, my dad told me all of this and how hard it was for my mother... I know that it was hard for him also but of course he was a man so he never admitted it...
At that point I decided that I need to start being more positive - stop always looking at the negative and focus only on the positive.... It is very hard sometimes but there was always one question that I could ask myself before I made any big decision in my life: "What is the worst thing that could happen"? To this day I still live by that rule.....
While I was in college, I had no money.... sometimes I would have enough shampoo for just one more wash and I would worry about how I was going to wash my hair the next day.... "What is the worst thing that could happen?"... Asking someone if I can have a little bit of their shampoo? That is not so bad.... Then, that afternoon I would received a letter in the mail from my grandmother with enough money in to buy a bus ticket into the city and a bottle of shampoo.... In the end there was always a higher power that took care of us and knew what we needed.
Well your dad and I moved to America - we came over with $100 and four suitcases of clothes. We got to Sacramento airport and had to drive a rental car to our hotel... We had a little piece of paper with directions on, had to drive a car on the wrong side of the road and talk to people that really did not understand a word that we were saying - even if we spoke English.... That was really hard and for the first year I just wanted to go home.... For the first month or so we did not have money for food.... some days we shared a $1 hamburger - the only food we had for a day..... It was hard times and we had to work really hard for everything that we have today.... and it was not always easy..... we had huge fights.... but in the end we were there for each other...... and believe me, both of us considered leaving at some point but we never did....
Tonight I would like to challenge you - if you come home: "What is the worst thing that can happen?". Things can be the same as what they were OR things can be better. Is it not worth a try? What do you have to lose?
I better get to sleep otherwise I will never be able to get out of bed in the morning.....
Rocky, if you don't know by now that we love you and we want you to come home, I really don't know what more to do to convice you. Sometimes you have to take a chance.... let us be the chance that you take this time..... Ask yourself: "What is the worst thing that can happen?"
We love you very much,
Dad and Ma
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-17 - 09:00pm
I hope you had a wonderful day. My day was pretty good. The last week or so I have been able to really focus on my work and at the end of the day I feel really good. I really love my job and I know you did also. You are a hard worker and I know that you must miss it. I received a note from one of the ladies that worked with you - she only had good things to say about you. Acually everyone has.
I am working on your dad's book. I need your help. We have a lot of work to do and I would love it if you can help me..... After this I think we should do one on you also. I love the stories that your dad tell... We can listen to him for hours and then between the two of us we have put it all together.... I need someone to do this with me. And there is no one that I would like better for this job that you..... I can't wait to continue but I cannot do this without you. Imagine all the stories that we get to listen to every day.
You know that big chance that people are waiting for, we have two coming up and you are part of this.... We need you at home to help us finalize everything..... This might just be that lucky break that we are all waiting for..... Please don't let pride cause you to be kicked out of here. It is not to late - lets get your paperwork resolved before it is to late.
We love you and we would hate to see you jeapordize your future because of ignorance on our side.
Dad and Ma
I am working on your dad's book. I need your help. We have a lot of work to do and I would love it if you can help me..... After this I think we should do one on you also. I love the stories that your dad tell... We can listen to him for hours and then between the two of us we have put it all together.... I need someone to do this with me. And there is no one that I would like better for this job that you..... I can't wait to continue but I cannot do this without you. Imagine all the stories that we get to listen to every day.
You know that big chance that people are waiting for, we have two coming up and you are part of this.... We need you at home to help us finalize everything..... This might just be that lucky break that we are all waiting for..... Please don't let pride cause you to be kicked out of here. It is not to late - lets get your paperwork resolved before it is to late.
We love you and we would hate to see you jeapordize your future because of ignorance on our side.
Dad and Ma
Monday, April 16, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-16 - 09:00pm
Hi Rocky,
I am very tired tonight so I just want to tell you that I love you and that I wish you were home already. We are so worried about you and it is so frustrating not to know what to do next.
I hope you have a great night tonight and a wonderful day tomorrow.
Love you and miss you very much,
Dad and Ma
I am very tired tonight so I just want to tell you that I love you and that I wish you were home already. We are so worried about you and it is so frustrating not to know what to do next.
I hope you have a great night tonight and a wonderful day tomorrow.
Love you and miss you very much,
Dad and Ma
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-15 - 11:59pm
Me again.....
Every night I think to myself - what am I going to tell Rocky tonight? What can I possible talk about that he would be interested in? I think....
- Golf? Well what can I say about golf.... I don't know much about it...... All I can say is that I wish now that I went with you and dad every time or at least some times..... I know that is will be good for me also to be outside sometimes..
- Fishing? If you guys say fishing I think Scrapbooking weekend..... I know that we should do a little more as a Family.... and I actually like fishing......
Once I start with those two I kind of realize that I should stick to what I do and leave the man-stuff to the men......
Also, once I start talking with you the words just flow so easily.... I love talking to you.... You are a ver caring person and I know that you are going to make one lucky lady a very good husband some day.
Your dad mentioned that he wants the two of you to go tuna fishing.... A guy sold a tuna for $15000 the other day. I cannot remember how much the fish weighed but it must have been a heck of a fish to catch.... A once in a lifetime opportunity.
I would have thought that people would forget about you.... Now that you have been gone for over ten weeks..... And some have gotten used to the idea and we really don't hear from them often or at all anymore... Others still ask from time to time..... Then there are the people that reads the blog everyday - HOPING - PRAYING - BELIEVING - with us that one of these good days they are going to read the final post of the blog.... And that will be the day that you come home!!!!
For what it is worth - I have faith in you and I believe in you and I know that sooner or later you will come home..... You know what the right thing is to do and I truly believe that you will do it when the time is right.
The last thing that I want is for your dad to totally give up on faith and hope and I think that if you don't come home, that is exactly what will happen. I am not saying that it will be your fault, actually far from it. I am just stating a fact. He really does love you.... Remember the one big difference between the two of you.... Being a boy and being raised by a man is totally different than being a boy and being raised by a women....... All the "a man should not....." stories that people that don't know any better come up with..... You dad was taught that by his father and with me having only sisters how was I suppose to know any better? We learnt the hard way but i promise you today, we know better now.....
I love you both very much and I hate what this is doing to you guys...... This has been such an eye opener to him (actually to us) and we can not wait for you to get back so we can start this new and exciting new family life.....
We love you very much,
Dad and Ma
Every night I think to myself - what am I going to tell Rocky tonight? What can I possible talk about that he would be interested in? I think....
- Golf? Well what can I say about golf.... I don't know much about it...... All I can say is that I wish now that I went with you and dad every time or at least some times..... I know that is will be good for me also to be outside sometimes..
- Fishing? If you guys say fishing I think Scrapbooking weekend..... I know that we should do a little more as a Family.... and I actually like fishing......
Once I start with those two I kind of realize that I should stick to what I do and leave the man-stuff to the men......
Also, once I start talking with you the words just flow so easily.... I love talking to you.... You are a ver caring person and I know that you are going to make one lucky lady a very good husband some day.
Your dad mentioned that he wants the two of you to go tuna fishing.... A guy sold a tuna for $15000 the other day. I cannot remember how much the fish weighed but it must have been a heck of a fish to catch.... A once in a lifetime opportunity.
I would have thought that people would forget about you.... Now that you have been gone for over ten weeks..... And some have gotten used to the idea and we really don't hear from them often or at all anymore... Others still ask from time to time..... Then there are the people that reads the blog everyday - HOPING - PRAYING - BELIEVING - with us that one of these good days they are going to read the final post of the blog.... And that will be the day that you come home!!!!
For what it is worth - I have faith in you and I believe in you and I know that sooner or later you will come home..... You know what the right thing is to do and I truly believe that you will do it when the time is right.
The last thing that I want is for your dad to totally give up on faith and hope and I think that if you don't come home, that is exactly what will happen. I am not saying that it will be your fault, actually far from it. I am just stating a fact. He really does love you.... Remember the one big difference between the two of you.... Being a boy and being raised by a man is totally different than being a boy and being raised by a women....... All the "a man should not....." stories that people that don't know any better come up with..... You dad was taught that by his father and with me having only sisters how was I suppose to know any better? We learnt the hard way but i promise you today, we know better now.....
I love you both very much and I hate what this is doing to you guys...... This has been such an eye opener to him (actually to us) and we can not wait for you to get back so we can start this new and exciting new family life.....
We love you very much,
Dad and Ma
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-14 - 10:00pm
70 days and counting..... I am keeping the faith.... That is the best advice that I get and I have a lot of people that is praying with me. None of us are giving up... None of us will stop praying until we know that you are back home - safe and sound. Actually we will keep praying when you are home also because we will still need a lot of help to ensure that we get through all the issues that we need to resolve...... We are willing to do what it takes to make sure that we do it right this time.....
You know what I am looking forward to most of all....
.....I am looking forward to go to church with you. I know that you wanted to talk about religion but you did not feel that you could.... I tell you know that you can... No-one is going to stop you.... That much I can tell you...
.....I am looking forward to making your favorite meals..... I made "Vetkoek and mince" for dinner tonight.... I made a lot extra to make sure that if tonight is the night that you come back, there will be something for you to eat.... I will be so happy that I will cook you a five cours meal even if it is in the middle of the night.... And I would LOVE every minute of it.
.....I am looking forward to a Thursday night when I get home when you come running to say hi.... The nice big hugs...
.....I am looking forward to watching Vampire Diaries with you... Your dad hates it...
.....I am looking forward meeting your friends..... I would love it if you feel comfortable enough to bring friends home...
.....I am looking forward to help you find an apartment when the time is right
.....I am looking forward to packing all the stuff up that is in the house for your apartment.....
.....I am looking forward to having you back where you belong - right here with us...
Please sleep well, be safe and know that God is with you to protect you.... We love you very much and miss you terribly.....
Dad and Ma
You know what I am looking forward to most of all....
.....I am looking forward to go to church with you. I know that you wanted to talk about religion but you did not feel that you could.... I tell you know that you can... No-one is going to stop you.... That much I can tell you...
.....I am looking forward to making your favorite meals..... I made "Vetkoek and mince" for dinner tonight.... I made a lot extra to make sure that if tonight is the night that you come back, there will be something for you to eat.... I will be so happy that I will cook you a five cours meal even if it is in the middle of the night.... And I would LOVE every minute of it.
.....I am looking forward to a Thursday night when I get home when you come running to say hi.... The nice big hugs...
.....I am looking forward to watching Vampire Diaries with you... Your dad hates it...
.....I am looking forward meeting your friends..... I would love it if you feel comfortable enough to bring friends home...
.....I am looking forward to help you find an apartment when the time is right
.....I am looking forward to packing all the stuff up that is in the house for your apartment.....
.....I am looking forward to having you back where you belong - right here with us...
Please sleep well, be safe and know that God is with you to protect you.... We love you very much and miss you terribly.....
Dad and Ma
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-13 - 11:59pm
Hi Rocky,
It has been 70 days exactly now since you decided to leave.... I wish that I could get that night over.... I wish that I was a better person and that I treat people better.... I miss you sooo much... I wish that it was in my power to make all of this go away and bring you home.... But it is not - I have to believe that God will keep you safe and bring you home when the time is right.
I had a dream last night that you were home..... I remember being so scared that you would leave again and I knew that I would not be able to handle that... It was a good dream but then I woke up and the nightmare we are living now continued.... Susan and Heinrich stopped by to pick up their camper, the first thing that Susan said to me was that she dreamt that you called and wanted us to come get you......
I was so hoping that it would come true because two people dreamt it but that was not meant to be - at least not today....
You dad built a new trailer... You should see it - you would have been proud of it.... It has space for two motorcycles - I guess the second one is for yours... I know that is one of he things that he wants to do with you.... and I know that he is really looking forward to it....
Renee is here - we are Scrapbooking again, she arrived this afternoon and leaves tomorrow.... Love having her aroud - we just have so much fun together. I have to smile when I think of that - you could not understand how I can call that fun but yet you were always so supportive.... I have worked on my books a lot since you left but I have not really gotten very far.... I can just not get started because I keep on thinking of you.... I feel guilty to do anything that is fun..... How can I have fun if you are out there somewhere and I don't know how you are doing? People keep on telling me that I should not blame myself... They tell me that this is not my fault..... You know what, I don't care what anyone says, I feel that I should have known better..... I should have seen this coming.... I should have been able to do something..... to be nicer to you.... Te tell you more ha I loved you.....
Rocky, please forgive me for everything I did wrong in the two years that you were here....
- Forgive me for not listening to you more....
- Forgive me for not being more patient....
- Forgive me for not cooking for you more....
- Forgive me for not telling you more about your family.... they are all so wonderful .....
- Forgive me for not telling you that I am proud of you....
- Forgive me for not telling you that I love you....
Rocky I hope that you are reading this tonight and more than that I hope that you can forgive me..
Lots of love,
Ma
P.S. Dad loves you very much also......
It has been 70 days exactly now since you decided to leave.... I wish that I could get that night over.... I wish that I was a better person and that I treat people better.... I miss you sooo much... I wish that it was in my power to make all of this go away and bring you home.... But it is not - I have to believe that God will keep you safe and bring you home when the time is right.
I had a dream last night that you were home..... I remember being so scared that you would leave again and I knew that I would not be able to handle that... It was a good dream but then I woke up and the nightmare we are living now continued.... Susan and Heinrich stopped by to pick up their camper, the first thing that Susan said to me was that she dreamt that you called and wanted us to come get you......
I was so hoping that it would come true because two people dreamt it but that was not meant to be - at least not today....
You dad built a new trailer... You should see it - you would have been proud of it.... It has space for two motorcycles - I guess the second one is for yours... I know that is one of he things that he wants to do with you.... and I know that he is really looking forward to it....
Renee is here - we are Scrapbooking again, she arrived this afternoon and leaves tomorrow.... Love having her aroud - we just have so much fun together. I have to smile when I think of that - you could not understand how I can call that fun but yet you were always so supportive.... I have worked on my books a lot since you left but I have not really gotten very far.... I can just not get started because I keep on thinking of you.... I feel guilty to do anything that is fun..... How can I have fun if you are out there somewhere and I don't know how you are doing? People keep on telling me that I should not blame myself... They tell me that this is not my fault..... You know what, I don't care what anyone says, I feel that I should have known better..... I should have seen this coming.... I should have been able to do something..... to be nicer to you.... Te tell you more ha I loved you.....
Rocky, please forgive me for everything I did wrong in the two years that you were here....
- Forgive me for not listening to you more....
- Forgive me for not being more patient....
- Forgive me for not cooking for you more....
- Forgive me for not telling you more about your family.... they are all so wonderful .....
- Forgive me for not telling you that I am proud of you....
- Forgive me for not telling you that I love you....
Rocky I hope that you are reading this tonight and more than that I hope that you can forgive me..
Lots of love,
Ma
P.S. Dad loves you very much also......
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-12 - 11:59pm
By this time I am sure that you are tired of my stories.... I am not going to tell you stories tonight.... Everything that I wanted to tell you I already did.... I just want to list some facts for you:
- By now you know that we are sorry
- By now you know that we made mistakes and that we very much would like a second change from you
- By now you know that we love you
- By now you know that we are proud of you
- By now you know that our home will always be your home
- By now you know that there will always be a place for you in our home
- By now you know that there will always be a place for in our hearts...
Now, what you don't know:
- Neither one of us sleep at night anymore
- The guilt is eating us up alive
- We pretend that we are ok but I don't think that we will ever be ok while you are still out there somewhere
- We are feeling a lot of things but neither of us have EVER been angry at you during the time that you left
- Both of us keep looking out the window to see if maybe you will come walking down the driveway even though we know you are not even in Texas anymore
- Neither of us like to leave the house unattended just in case you come home
- We sit for hours and talk about you.... and everything we have to say is always good
- We don't blame each other for you leaving
- We don't blame you for leaving - in fact we understand why you did this
- We ONLY blame ourselves ..... we each believe that it was our fault that you left
Rocky, I prayed and asked God to please help me. I told Him that I don't have the strength to do this..... We have tried everything humanly possible to get you back but with no luck.....
I know that God knows where you are. I know that you are a believer so I believe that God is traveling with you and and keeping a protective hand over you. I will not just sit back and do nothing... I will still follow up on any leads that I get but other than that I really dot know what more to do. I know that when the time is right all will be revealed to us. Until then we have to keep the faith and wait and trust that God hears our prayers and will respond when the time is right.
I hope you sleep well,
We love you very much, we miss you and we would love nothing more that to have you safe and sound back at home.
Love
Dad and Ma
This is the day the LORD has made;
Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
- By now you know that we are sorry
- By now you know that we made mistakes and that we very much would like a second change from you
- By now you know that we love you
- By now you know that we are proud of you
- By now you know that our home will always be your home
- By now you know that there will always be a place for you in our home
- By now you know that there will always be a place for in our hearts...
Now, what you don't know:
- Neither one of us sleep at night anymore
- The guilt is eating us up alive
- We pretend that we are ok but I don't think that we will ever be ok while you are still out there somewhere
- We are feeling a lot of things but neither of us have EVER been angry at you during the time that you left
- Both of us keep looking out the window to see if maybe you will come walking down the driveway even though we know you are not even in Texas anymore
- Neither of us like to leave the house unattended just in case you come home
- We sit for hours and talk about you.... and everything we have to say is always good
- We don't blame each other for you leaving
- We don't blame you for leaving - in fact we understand why you did this
- We ONLY blame ourselves ..... we each believe that it was our fault that you left
Rocky, I prayed and asked God to please help me. I told Him that I don't have the strength to do this..... We have tried everything humanly possible to get you back but with no luck.....
I know that God knows where you are. I know that you are a believer so I believe that God is traveling with you and and keeping a protective hand over you. I will not just sit back and do nothing... I will still follow up on any leads that I get but other than that I really dot know what more to do. I know that when the time is right all will be revealed to us. Until then we have to keep the faith and wait and trust that God hears our prayers and will respond when the time is right.
I hope you sleep well,
We love you very much, we miss you and we would love nothing more that to have you safe and sound back at home.
Love
Dad and Ma
This is the day the LORD has made;
Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-11 - 11:59pm
Before I even start tonight I would like to say something to you.... in one of the first letters to you after you left I told you that I would never give up on you and that is a promise that I will keep. If I don't write every night it does not mean that I forgot about you or that I care any less - it just means that I was busy or tired... I will never skip more than one night....
What have you been up to? Do you think of us sometimes? Are you reading this blog - your e-mails - messages on Facebook? If you are, don't you care that we are worried or concerned or have sleepless night because we are worried about you?
We (You, your dad and me) are also a family and no matter what we will always be there for each other. Even if we fight with you, when it really counts we will be there for you. So please be there for us also.... we really need you.
You are such a great person - kind - helpful - friendly - neat - hard working - and more....... We did not realize what a treasure we had in you until you left....
We love you and we miss you,
Dad and Ma
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-10 - 10:00pm
Everyone went to a baseball game but I really just felt like being alone tonight.... I worked until 7pm and went back to the hotel.
I am really sorry that I did not write last night - I was sitting with my iPad on my lap on the bed in the hotel and the last thing I remember is creating the post..... I woke up and it was after three in the morning..... the lights were on, the TV was on.... I got up, turned everything off and went back to sleep....
I hope that you had a good night last night and also that you have a wonderful day today.....
I am at work so I will write to you again tonight...
Love you lots
Ma
I am really sorry that I did not write last night - I was sitting with my iPad on my lap on the bed in the hotel and the last thing I remember is creating the post..... I woke up and it was after three in the morning..... the lights were on, the TV was on.... I got up, turned everything off and went back to sleep....
I hope that you had a good night last night and also that you have a wonderful day today.....
I am at work so I will write to you again tonight...
Love you lots
Ma
Monday, April 9, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-09 - 11:00pm
I hope you had a good day today. I missed you like I have done for the past nine weeks - nothing new.... Some days I want to be angry at you but it is so hard for me because I think you had a reason to be angry at us..... I say "had" because I think we have paid for everything we have said or done to make you angry. I think that it is time for you to forgive us.... Everyone needs a break in life and I think that you really need to consider giving your dad and I a break here.
Rocky, if you are reading this and you don't want to come home, at least have the courage to pick up a phone and call us.... Talk to us, let us talk to you..... give us the oppurunity to say our part and you say yours .... then - if you decide not to come home, at least we know that you are ok.... At this point we really still don't know anything.... I write every night, you dad writes sometimes, there are a lot of other people writing to you and there is nothing from your side.
Most of the time I am ok but tonight I feel like I need to talk with you - just to make sure that you are ok..... Please don't mess up your life because of things that we did wrong, the fact that we were not good parents or the fact that we did not tell you that we were proud of you, or that you are a great son or that we love you very much.....
Please give us a chance..... Please remember some of the good things.... not only the bad ones.....
- Remember fishing with dad
- Remember golfing with dad
- Remember watching Avatar or Vampire Diary with me
- Remember Double Dave's Pizza
- Remember Having a cup of coffee at Starbucks
- Remember your job at the college
- Remember your graduation
I know these are not big things but all of them reminds me of you.... Hopefully they meant something to you also....
I went through my photo albums over the weekend and I remember how scared you were of a crayfish.... Your dad went diving for crayfish when you were only four and he took out a crayfish.... You were so scared of it and we had to cook it before you would even touch it.... It was so funny but the nice thing is that I still ended up with a picture of you holding the crayfish ..... It is hard to believe that it has been so many years ago and that that little scared boy has grown up into a very good young man - one that anyone would be proud to call our son....
We love you and we miss you,
Dad and Ma
Rocky, if you are reading this and you don't want to come home, at least have the courage to pick up a phone and call us.... Talk to us, let us talk to you..... give us the oppurunity to say our part and you say yours .... then - if you decide not to come home, at least we know that you are ok.... At this point we really still don't know anything.... I write every night, you dad writes sometimes, there are a lot of other people writing to you and there is nothing from your side.
Most of the time I am ok but tonight I feel like I need to talk with you - just to make sure that you are ok..... Please don't mess up your life because of things that we did wrong, the fact that we were not good parents or the fact that we did not tell you that we were proud of you, or that you are a great son or that we love you very much.....
Please give us a chance..... Please remember some of the good things.... not only the bad ones.....
- Remember fishing with dad
- Remember golfing with dad
- Remember watching Avatar or Vampire Diary with me
- Remember Double Dave's Pizza
- Remember Having a cup of coffee at Starbucks
- Remember your job at the college
- Remember your graduation
I know these are not big things but all of them reminds me of you.... Hopefully they meant something to you also....
I went through my photo albums over the weekend and I remember how scared you were of a crayfish.... Your dad went diving for crayfish when you were only four and he took out a crayfish.... You were so scared of it and we had to cook it before you would even touch it.... It was so funny but the nice thing is that I still ended up with a picture of you holding the crayfish ..... It is hard to believe that it has been so many years ago and that that little scared boy has grown up into a very good young man - one that anyone would be proud to call our son....
We love you and we miss you,
Dad and Ma
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-08 - 11:00pm
I hope that you had a great Easter weekend. Mine was not really that much different from any other weekend...... Friday night we had dinner at Renee and David's..... It was soooo good... Can David ever cook..... Not only did we have dinner there, he also gave us some beef curry for the next day........ They are such good people.......
Yesterday we did not do to much - I did laundry and your dad was working in the barn..... What's new.... Hahaha!!!
Today I went to the Easter service with Renee, David and the boys. It was a church in Conroe called The Ark. It was a really nice service but the one thing that got to me was one guy that told his story about how he just walked out on everything.... He through away his ID so that people would not know who he was, he just walked out on everything and roamed the streets. It made me think of you and I felt like crying..... Everything that you are going through and no-one there to help you......
I am going to end here for tonight but I just need to remind you that you are very much loved, missed and appreciated.
Hope you had a warm meal tonight and that you have a warm and sheltered place to sleep...
Lots and lots of love
Dad and Ma
Yesterday we did not do to much - I did laundry and your dad was working in the barn..... What's new.... Hahaha!!!
Today I went to the Easter service with Renee, David and the boys. It was a church in Conroe called The Ark. It was a really nice service but the one thing that got to me was one guy that told his story about how he just walked out on everything.... He through away his ID so that people would not know who he was, he just walked out on everything and roamed the streets. It made me think of you and I felt like crying..... Everything that you are going through and no-one there to help you......
I am going to end here for tonight but I just need to remind you that you are very much loved, missed and appreciated.
Hope you had a warm meal tonight and that you have a warm and sheltered place to sleep...
Lots and lots of love
Dad and Ma
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-07 - 07:00pm
Rocky,
I would like to share something with you - not to try and convince you to do anything but to make you understand why some things are harder than others.... You and your dad are the two most important people in my life and I would do anything for the two of you.... I really don't like to see either of you get hurt but the way it is right now I cannot see how this can turn out well for either of you. Please understand that I am not looking for excuses for anyone here but this might help you understand where your dad is coming from.
You know better than most that the best way to protect yourself is not to let people in - not let your guard down... that is what your dad has been doing and I want to explain something to you.
When he was about five years old his mother left. He was the youngest of four and was raised by his father. When he was ten his father remarried but his stepmother hated him and both physically and mentally abused him. Not only did his father marry her once, he married her twice.
His father died when he was sixteen and when they got home after the funeral his stepmother told him that she could no longer afford to look after him so he needs to leave. He turned to his uncle – someone that have loved him all his life. He joined the army because he did not really have a choice. His uncle bought him his first car but not even a year after his dad died, his uncle also passed away. Once again he was on his own.
Once he was released from the army he started working. During the first few year after that he met your mother and this was the love of his life…. However, this was doomed right from the beginning because your grandmother hated him….. They were married in 1982 and you were born in 1985…… your dad could not be happier…. One day when you were just about a year old your dad got home from work and your mother had taken you and left….. He saw you as often as he could but that was hard as it was a seven hour drive to see you…..
I met him in 1988 – a little more than a year after their divorce was finalized. The first thing he told me was that he had a son…. He was still the proud father….. When you were just five your mother changed your names and disappeared…. It was 13 year later that we found you again….. Your dad’s heart was broken because he missed out on the best years of your life…. And it was not for a lack of trying on our side….. we went as far as talking to the then president of South Africa… we kept all the documents and shared them with you once we found you…… We never stopped looking….
Then when you turned 18 we found you with the help of your cousins…. By then we had already moved to America. That did not stop your dad…. He was on the first flight to South Africa and met you at the airport in Johannesburg……. Shortly after he got back you followed him and came over for eight weeks…… Things did not work out as we all had hoped and you decided that you wanted to go back to South Africa…… not long after that you decided that you no longer wanted any contact with your dad and you broke off the relationship…..
The first time when you disappeared it had nothing to do with you but this time it was your choice….. Once again he had to go through the pain of someone that he loved abandoning him….. At least from his point-of-view.
At the end of 2009 you found him on Facebook and once again he was the happiest person that could be…. The only reason he ever went on Facebook was to make sure that if you wanted you could find him….. But this time he had a shield around him….. a shield that would make it very hard for anyone to hurt him….. including you - the son that he had searched for for so long.
Well – like I said before, the best way to prevent people from hurting you is to not let them get close to you in the first place…. Well he (or we) did such a good job of this that we drove you away….. Rocky, please read the attachment to the e-mail that I sent you this afternoon….
I know that this is not your fault – we need to apologize to you but please lets mend this fence and move on with our lives….
We have many regrets but if you can, please make this a special Easter for your dad and help us to make it up to you.
TO ANYONE ELSE READING THIS - NONE OF THIS IS INTENDED TO BE AN ATTACK ON ANYONE ELSE - IT IS SIMPLY INTENDED TO HELP ROCKY UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS MORE TO SOMEONE THAN MEETS THE EYE. PLEASE DON'T JUDGE PEOPLE BY WHAT YOU CAN SEE, MOST OFTEN IT IS THE THINGS THAT YOU CANT SEE THAT IS IMPORTANT.
I hope that this will help in a decision for you to come home. We love you and we really miss you....
Ma
In summary, your dad has been abandoned by his mother, father, stepmother, uncle, wife and son...... even though it could not always be helped, and you could not only blame the person that left, it still is what it is...... It is in your power to help him understand that life is not always bad and that you can rely on people......
I would like to share something with you - not to try and convince you to do anything but to make you understand why some things are harder than others.... You and your dad are the two most important people in my life and I would do anything for the two of you.... I really don't like to see either of you get hurt but the way it is right now I cannot see how this can turn out well for either of you. Please understand that I am not looking for excuses for anyone here but this might help you understand where your dad is coming from.
You know better than most that the best way to protect yourself is not to let people in - not let your guard down... that is what your dad has been doing and I want to explain something to you.
When he was about five years old his mother left. He was the youngest of four and was raised by his father. When he was ten his father remarried but his stepmother hated him and both physically and mentally abused him. Not only did his father marry her once, he married her twice.
His father died when he was sixteen and when they got home after the funeral his stepmother told him that she could no longer afford to look after him so he needs to leave. He turned to his uncle – someone that have loved him all his life. He joined the army because he did not really have a choice. His uncle bought him his first car but not even a year after his dad died, his uncle also passed away. Once again he was on his own.
Once he was released from the army he started working. During the first few year after that he met your mother and this was the love of his life…. However, this was doomed right from the beginning because your grandmother hated him….. They were married in 1982 and you were born in 1985…… your dad could not be happier…. One day when you were just about a year old your dad got home from work and your mother had taken you and left….. He saw you as often as he could but that was hard as it was a seven hour drive to see you…..
I met him in 1988 – a little more than a year after their divorce was finalized. The first thing he told me was that he had a son…. He was still the proud father….. When you were just five your mother changed your names and disappeared…. It was 13 year later that we found you again….. Your dad’s heart was broken because he missed out on the best years of your life…. And it was not for a lack of trying on our side….. we went as far as talking to the then president of South Africa… we kept all the documents and shared them with you once we found you…… We never stopped looking….
Then when you turned 18 we found you with the help of your cousins…. By then we had already moved to America. That did not stop your dad…. He was on the first flight to South Africa and met you at the airport in Johannesburg……. Shortly after he got back you followed him and came over for eight weeks…… Things did not work out as we all had hoped and you decided that you wanted to go back to South Africa…… not long after that you decided that you no longer wanted any contact with your dad and you broke off the relationship…..
The first time when you disappeared it had nothing to do with you but this time it was your choice….. Once again he had to go through the pain of someone that he loved abandoning him….. At least from his point-of-view.
At the end of 2009 you found him on Facebook and once again he was the happiest person that could be…. The only reason he ever went on Facebook was to make sure that if you wanted you could find him….. But this time he had a shield around him….. a shield that would make it very hard for anyone to hurt him….. including you - the son that he had searched for for so long.
Well – like I said before, the best way to prevent people from hurting you is to not let them get close to you in the first place…. Well he (or we) did such a good job of this that we drove you away….. Rocky, please read the attachment to the e-mail that I sent you this afternoon….
I know that this is not your fault – we need to apologize to you but please lets mend this fence and move on with our lives….
We have many regrets but if you can, please make this a special Easter for your dad and help us to make it up to you.
TO ANYONE ELSE READING THIS - NONE OF THIS IS INTENDED TO BE AN ATTACK ON ANYONE ELSE - IT IS SIMPLY INTENDED TO HELP ROCKY UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS MORE TO SOMEONE THAN MEETS THE EYE. PLEASE DON'T JUDGE PEOPLE BY WHAT YOU CAN SEE, MOST OFTEN IT IS THE THINGS THAT YOU CANT SEE THAT IS IMPORTANT.
I hope that this will help in a decision for you to come home. We love you and we really miss you....
Ma
In summary, your dad has been abandoned by his mother, father, stepmother, uncle, wife and son...... even though it could not always be helped, and you could not only blame the person that left, it still is what it is...... It is in your power to help him understand that life is not always bad and that you can rely on people......
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-07 - 01:28pm
Someone gave me a book with a passage to read every day - it is called "Jesus Calling". I would like to share the piece that I read yesterday with you..... I wanted to give you everything to show you the context but I would like you to focus on the piece that is Bold
.
BRING ME THE SACRIFICE of thanksgiving. Take nothing for granted, not even the rising of the sun. Before Satan tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden, thankfulness was as natural as breathing. Satan's temptation involved pointing Eve to the one thing that was forbidden to her. The garden was filled with luscious, desirable fruits, but Eve focused on the one fruit she couldn't have rather than being thankful for the many good things freely available. This negative focus darkened her mind, and she succumbed to temptation.
When you focus on what you don't have or on a situation that displease you, your mind also becomes darkened. You take life for granted, salvation, sunshine, flowers and countless other gifts from God. You look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life until that is "fixed."
When you approach God with thanksgiving, the light of His presence pours into you, transforming you through and through. Walk in the Light with Him by practicing the discipline of thanksgiving.
PSALM 116:17
I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving. And will call upon the name of the LORD
GENESIS 3:2-6
The women said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, "You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die."
"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the women. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good from evil."
When the women saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.
1 JOHN 1:7
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
.
BRING ME THE SACRIFICE of thanksgiving. Take nothing for granted, not even the rising of the sun. Before Satan tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden, thankfulness was as natural as breathing. Satan's temptation involved pointing Eve to the one thing that was forbidden to her. The garden was filled with luscious, desirable fruits, but Eve focused on the one fruit she couldn't have rather than being thankful for the many good things freely available. This negative focus darkened her mind, and she succumbed to temptation.
When you focus on what you don't have or on a situation that displease you, your mind also becomes darkened. You take life for granted, salvation, sunshine, flowers and countless other gifts from God. You look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life until that is "fixed."
When you approach God with thanksgiving, the light of His presence pours into you, transforming you through and through. Walk in the Light with Him by practicing the discipline of thanksgiving.
PSALM 116:17
I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving. And will call upon the name of the LORD
GENESIS 3:2-6
The women said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, "You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die."
"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the women. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good from evil."
When the women saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.
1 JOHN 1:7
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-07 - 12:38pm
I am sending you an e-mail with an attachment that you HAVE to read - it is not from me but I believe that this is something that you need to see.
Love you lots,
Ma
Friday, April 6, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-06 - 11:00pm
Hey, me again.....
Writing to you every night has become part of my routine.... One that I would give up so fast once you get home.... I will spend that time talking with you at night in stead of writing - I am looking forward to talking with you again...
I am not going to write much tonight but I have a huge favor to ask.... Please read your e-mail tomorrow night.... Your dad is writing you a letter by hand and I am going to scan it in and send it to you via e-mail. He said he does not type very fast so he asked me if I could send it to you somehow.... I told him that I would scan it in and send it to you that way.
Rocky, a young lady added a very nice and very true comment on the blog post for yesterday. Please read it and take note... What she said is so true.... I also lost my dad with no warning.. He was murdered and I was very close to him......
- I wish I could give him one more hug;
- One more phone call;
- One more goodnight kiss.....
I will never have that opportunity again - I had no warning so I could not even say goodbye to him.
Rocky, you are in control now. You can prevent this from happening to you or you can choose to ignore this and live the rest of your life having regrets. It is up to you to make contact with us now. We have tried everything that we could and we are not sure what to do next. If we get a call from anyone we will drive to Florida if we have to but the chances of finding you is still very slim.... I can not even explain to you how long the road is coming home without you and also walking into an empty house. We hardly go to your side of the house anymore. I think of the parents that have children missing and my heart goes out to them. I cannot even imagine having to go through life not knowing if their child is dead or alive. I thank God everyday for showing us that you are alive..... We can at least now stop worrying about that piece but we will not be able to move on with our lives until you are back in it in some capacity at least.
I promised to write every day that I can and I will keep that promise to you until you get home.... There will be some days that I will not be able to do this but whenever I can I will. Like I said, I will never give up on you.... I will always be proud of you.... And I will always love you....
This is Easter weekend - the weekend that Jesus died for our sins... He was also resurrected so as the young lady said in her comment tonight - would it not be wonderful if you decide to forgive us this weekend and call home.....
Love you and miss you,
Dad and Ma
Writing to you every night has become part of my routine.... One that I would give up so fast once you get home.... I will spend that time talking with you at night in stead of writing - I am looking forward to talking with you again...
I am not going to write much tonight but I have a huge favor to ask.... Please read your e-mail tomorrow night.... Your dad is writing you a letter by hand and I am going to scan it in and send it to you via e-mail. He said he does not type very fast so he asked me if I could send it to you somehow.... I told him that I would scan it in and send it to you that way.
Rocky, a young lady added a very nice and very true comment on the blog post for yesterday. Please read it and take note... What she said is so true.... I also lost my dad with no warning.. He was murdered and I was very close to him......
- I wish I could give him one more hug;
- One more phone call;
- One more goodnight kiss.....
I will never have that opportunity again - I had no warning so I could not even say goodbye to him.
Rocky, you are in control now. You can prevent this from happening to you or you can choose to ignore this and live the rest of your life having regrets. It is up to you to make contact with us now. We have tried everything that we could and we are not sure what to do next. If we get a call from anyone we will drive to Florida if we have to but the chances of finding you is still very slim.... I can not even explain to you how long the road is coming home without you and also walking into an empty house. We hardly go to your side of the house anymore. I think of the parents that have children missing and my heart goes out to them. I cannot even imagine having to go through life not knowing if their child is dead or alive. I thank God everyday for showing us that you are alive..... We can at least now stop worrying about that piece but we will not be able to move on with our lives until you are back in it in some capacity at least.
I promised to write every day that I can and I will keep that promise to you until you get home.... There will be some days that I will not be able to do this but whenever I can I will. Like I said, I will never give up on you.... I will always be proud of you.... And I will always love you....
This is Easter weekend - the weekend that Jesus died for our sins... He was also resurrected so as the young lady said in her comment tonight - would it not be wonderful if you decide to forgive us this weekend and call home.....
Love you and miss you,
Dad and Ma
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-05 - 11:30pm
It is Thursday night again - I am on a flight from Norfolk to Houston - through Chicago ...... I am so used to flying that if I don't fly it feels like I have forgotten to do something.....
Every time I fly home I think that this is the weekend that you are coming home, but the more time goes by the less likely it seems that you will ever come home.
It feels like people have forgotten about you.... People only care for a short while and then they move on. Our lives are on hold. You being gone again is the worst thing that could ever happen to us. The fist time was not in your control so we can never hold that against you..... You were very young and that must have been hard for you growing up without a father. We searched for you for almost 13 years and then finally one day, thats to your cousins, we found you...... Your dad did not hesitate for one second - he jumped on the first plane to South Africa to go meet you..... What I remember most of all is how happy he was..... He called everyone to let them know that he found his son.... He was so proud. Not long after that you flew over here to come and visit us..... I remember the good and the not-so-good times. You decided that this was not for you and you went back yo South Africa.
We gave you money, we spoke with you almost every week but then you got mad at your dad and told him that you never wanted to talk to him again.... Your dad moped around and you most likely did the same.... I did not know you very well so I think the two of us only spoke once after that.....
That was a long time ago.......
And then in 2009 your mom got ahold of us and shortly after that we were back in contact with you..... Your dad was vey excited - looked like he won the lottery or something..... You also sounded so excited every time that we spoke with you..... You could not wait to come over stay with us...
It was a major adjustment and within the first eight months you finished high school ...... A major accomplishments for anyone - even more so for someone that has not done any studying in eight or nine years...... A proud moment for any parent...... even a step parent.....
Next came college - first the endless efforts to make sure that you stay legal..... And we always succeeded....... You are still legal.....
You did great - you finished all the courses for your first year already and we could not be any prouder......
..........and then you leave in the middle of the night.....
Rocky, if you have a problem with people you have to deal with it. If you don't, it is going to pop up when you least expect it and more children can get hurt in the process..... Please come home so that we can resolve his...... I am begging you....... As an example - if someone don't want to talk with you, you can write them a letter and explain the issues that you are having. When they calm down and had time to think about it you can have a rational conversation.... People cannot guess what is bothering you if you don't spell it out.... and you cannot do it when everyone is mad.... You have to wait for everyone to calm down before any of it makes sense......
I hope that you understand what I am trying to tell you.....
We don't care where you have been.......
We don't care what you have been up to.......
We don't care who you were with.....
We don't care how you got there......
We don't care how far away you are right now.......
The only thing that we care about right now is that you talk to us..... Give us an opportunity to say that we are sorry..... Give us the opportunity to come and get you no matter where you are..... If you come home this weekend I will work from home next week.... I won't ever go into the office.....
That is all for now..... I hope that you have a great nights sleep and please remember that you always have a place in this house.....
As always, we love you and we miss you,
Dad and Ma
Every time I fly home I think that this is the weekend that you are coming home, but the more time goes by the less likely it seems that you will ever come home.
It feels like people have forgotten about you.... People only care for a short while and then they move on. Our lives are on hold. You being gone again is the worst thing that could ever happen to us. The fist time was not in your control so we can never hold that against you..... You were very young and that must have been hard for you growing up without a father. We searched for you for almost 13 years and then finally one day, thats to your cousins, we found you...... Your dad did not hesitate for one second - he jumped on the first plane to South Africa to go meet you..... What I remember most of all is how happy he was..... He called everyone to let them know that he found his son.... He was so proud. Not long after that you flew over here to come and visit us..... I remember the good and the not-so-good times. You decided that this was not for you and you went back yo South Africa.
We gave you money, we spoke with you almost every week but then you got mad at your dad and told him that you never wanted to talk to him again.... Your dad moped around and you most likely did the same.... I did not know you very well so I think the two of us only spoke once after that.....
That was a long time ago.......
And then in 2009 your mom got ahold of us and shortly after that we were back in contact with you..... Your dad was vey excited - looked like he won the lottery or something..... You also sounded so excited every time that we spoke with you..... You could not wait to come over stay with us...
It was a major adjustment and within the first eight months you finished high school ...... A major accomplishments for anyone - even more so for someone that has not done any studying in eight or nine years...... A proud moment for any parent...... even a step parent.....
Next came college - first the endless efforts to make sure that you stay legal..... And we always succeeded....... You are still legal.....
You did great - you finished all the courses for your first year already and we could not be any prouder......
..........and then you leave in the middle of the night.....
Rocky, if you have a problem with people you have to deal with it. If you don't, it is going to pop up when you least expect it and more children can get hurt in the process..... Please come home so that we can resolve his...... I am begging you....... As an example - if someone don't want to talk with you, you can write them a letter and explain the issues that you are having. When they calm down and had time to think about it you can have a rational conversation.... People cannot guess what is bothering you if you don't spell it out.... and you cannot do it when everyone is mad.... You have to wait for everyone to calm down before any of it makes sense......
I hope that you understand what I am trying to tell you.....
We don't care where you have been.......
We don't care what you have been up to.......
We don't care who you were with.....
We don't care how you got there......
We don't care how far away you are right now.......
The only thing that we care about right now is that you talk to us..... Give us an opportunity to say that we are sorry..... Give us the opportunity to come and get you no matter where you are..... If you come home this weekend I will work from home next week.... I won't ever go into the office.....
That is all for now..... I hope that you have a great nights sleep and please remember that you always have a place in this house.....
As always, we love you and we miss you,
Dad and Ma
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-04 - 10:30pm
Another day another dollar..... I just found out that I will be In Virginia for an extra month or two. I guess that is not to bad - at least I have a job so that is always good. Maybe when you get home, you and Dad can come and visit me - you guys would love the beach here - it is beautiful and maybe you can even arrange a fishing trip or two.
Rocky, I miss you so much.... You know when I miss you more that ever? On a Thursday evening when I get home from work..... No matter what you always come running out of your room as soon as I open the door..... I always thought that you were very happy to see me because you would be all smiles and you would give me this BIG hug..... Today I thought about it and I realized that you might have been starving because the the food that dad make smelled so good.... So, most likely you ran because you could not wait to eat.... LOL...
We care so much about you and the longer you are away from us the worse it gets. You would think that it will get better but it actually gets worse.... We really miss you and we would love the opportunity to make things right. I know that you read the bible and if I know that you believe in God.... I also know that you are a wonderful person and would never intentionally hurt anyone so the only explanation that I have is that you are hurting more than us and truly believe that you are doing us a favor...... I would like to set the record straight by saying that no matter what you think, no matter how you feel, this is your home and we really would like nothing better than for you to come home. Maybe you are to proud - I understand that - but you know what - life is to short. One day someone is in your life, the next hey are gone. We need you in our lives and i can only hope that you need us too. We need each other.
Sometimes I get very anxious and I don't know why.... It feels like I am totally going to lose it - most of the time I don't even know why I am feeling like that.... Then I think of you and my heart sinks.... It feels like I am walking around with concrete blocks on my back.... I really don't know how to handle this. And you know what else... I have to be strong for your dad so I cannot talk to him about it and I reall don't feel like talking to anyone else.
If I had it my way I would simple crawl up in my bed and sleep until you came back.... - not talk to anyone, not go to work, not eat..... Nothing - just sleep!!
I think hat God knew that I would be a bad parent and that is why I could never have kids.... HE knew that I would fail misrably with the one that HE entrusted to me.
Rocky - I want to apologize for disappointing you, for failing to be a good parent to you, for not being there for you and for not standing up for you when you really needed me.
I pray every night that God would change your heart and bring you back to us so that we can try again. I will never stop praying.
I believe in you and I believe that you will do the right thing. We are really proud of you - of everything that you have accomplished so far and we know that this is just the beginning for you... You have a long journey ahead of you but you are a fighter and you never give up. Please don't give up on us either.
We love you and we miss you so much,
Dad and Ma
Rocky, I miss you so much.... You know when I miss you more that ever? On a Thursday evening when I get home from work..... No matter what you always come running out of your room as soon as I open the door..... I always thought that you were very happy to see me because you would be all smiles and you would give me this BIG hug..... Today I thought about it and I realized that you might have been starving because the the food that dad make smelled so good.... So, most likely you ran because you could not wait to eat.... LOL...
We care so much about you and the longer you are away from us the worse it gets. You would think that it will get better but it actually gets worse.... We really miss you and we would love the opportunity to make things right. I know that you read the bible and if I know that you believe in God.... I also know that you are a wonderful person and would never intentionally hurt anyone so the only explanation that I have is that you are hurting more than us and truly believe that you are doing us a favor...... I would like to set the record straight by saying that no matter what you think, no matter how you feel, this is your home and we really would like nothing better than for you to come home. Maybe you are to proud - I understand that - but you know what - life is to short. One day someone is in your life, the next hey are gone. We need you in our lives and i can only hope that you need us too. We need each other.
Sometimes I get very anxious and I don't know why.... It feels like I am totally going to lose it - most of the time I don't even know why I am feeling like that.... Then I think of you and my heart sinks.... It feels like I am walking around with concrete blocks on my back.... I really don't know how to handle this. And you know what else... I have to be strong for your dad so I cannot talk to him about it and I reall don't feel like talking to anyone else.
If I had it my way I would simple crawl up in my bed and sleep until you came back.... - not talk to anyone, not go to work, not eat..... Nothing - just sleep!!
I think hat God knew that I would be a bad parent and that is why I could never have kids.... HE knew that I would fail misrably with the one that HE entrusted to me.
Rocky - I want to apologize for disappointing you, for failing to be a good parent to you, for not being there for you and for not standing up for you when you really needed me.
I pray every night that God would change your heart and bring you back to us so that we can try again. I will never stop praying.
I believe in you and I believe that you will do the right thing. We are really proud of you - of everything that you have accomplished so far and we know that this is just the beginning for you... You have a long journey ahead of you but you are a fighter and you never give up. Please don't give up on us either.
We love you and we miss you so much,
Dad and Ma
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-03 - 11:30pm
I am not sure if you are reading this or not..... On the one hand I hope you are and on the other hand I hope that you are not. Let me explain.....
If you are reading this - and you believe everything that I say - then you know how much we love you, care for you and miss you. That is a good thought. At the same time - if you are reading this and don't even care enough to pick up a phone to call us, that would be really sad. You would have totally fooled me..... I give you the benefit of the doubt and in my heart I believe that you would never be that heartless..... You would never do something like that.
If you are not reading it, that would also be sad because then you have no idea how much we worry, care, miss and love you....... Rocky, I just hope that by some miracle you get to read this and that you are still the person that I knw and love.... Tonight is one of the nights that I know that there are still things that I can do to find you but I am afraid to do it..... I keep on asking myself ..... what if you hate us and really never want to see us again? I am not sure how I can ever handle that. I pray that that is not the case. Without talking to you we really have NO IDEA what you are thinking. It would just be so much easier.
Going to sleep now. Hope you sleep well....
Lots of love,
Dad and Ma
If you are reading this - and you believe everything that I say - then you know how much we love you, care for you and miss you. That is a good thought. At the same time - if you are reading this and don't even care enough to pick up a phone to call us, that would be really sad. You would have totally fooled me..... I give you the benefit of the doubt and in my heart I believe that you would never be that heartless..... You would never do something like that.
If you are not reading it, that would also be sad because then you have no idea how much we worry, care, miss and love you....... Rocky, I just hope that by some miracle you get to read this and that you are still the person that I knw and love.... Tonight is one of the nights that I know that there are still things that I can do to find you but I am afraid to do it..... I keep on asking myself ..... what if you hate us and really never want to see us again? I am not sure how I can ever handle that. I pray that that is not the case. Without talking to you we really have NO IDEA what you are thinking. It would just be so much easier.
Going to sleep now. Hope you sleep well....
Lots of love,
Dad and Ma
Monday, April 2, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-02 - 10:30pm
I spoke with your mom today. I cannot even imagine what she is going through being so far away and having to rely on me for any information that she is getting. I try to update her whenever there is something to tell but that is few and far between. This is no fun for any of us and I know that this is no fun for you either. This is totally within your control to make this better for everyone - including yourself. Don't you think that we all suffered enough? If you just want to talk with us that would really help.
I hope that you sleep well and that tomorrow you realize that there is so much more to life than this. There are so many people that love you and that miss you so please at least consider it.
I will pray that you make the right decision.
Rocky, we love you so please let us talk and resolve this now. It has been way to long.
Lots of love
Dad and Ma
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-01 - 11:59pm
I hope you are really doing well..... Everyone that has seen you say that you are in good spirits but I am not sure that I believe that.... You are a very good actor and even if you are not happy you are very good at pretending that you are. Either way, the ball really is in your court - we are still doing what we can but it is so hard. Your dad has been to Louisiana (New Orleans) in particular three times already - that is in the past four weeks. He has driven over 5000 miles and still nothing.
I cleaned your room today for the first time in eight weeks.... I did all your laundry, washed your bedding, moved some of the stuff on the tables around. There are a few other things that I need to do when I get home next weekend.... Hope you are going to like it....
I am going to talk to your mom (on Facebook) again tonight. I know that both your parents (and of course the wicket stepmother) really miss you and really wish that you would just talk with us.....
What do you do everyday? Is it to much for us to ask you to call so that we have the opportunity to apologize to you? Rocky, I know that you are your own person and I know that you can do whatever you like BUT put all of that aside and please think of our future. Think of you future family - I know that you want a family one day so think of them and make sure that you do not do something now to teach us a lesson that will someday cost you more than you have bargained for. You have until May 2nd for visa reasons to come back home. After that there is nothing that we can do to help you from the visa side.... I am telling you this and hoping that you see this in time. No matter where you are, please let us know. Your dad and I always wanted to take a drive down the coast towards Florida. That is where we figured that we would go if we were you. We can be there within a day if you call us but first give your dad a call so that you can hear what he wants to say to you. Rocky - you two are so much alike...... Stubborn as can be on the outside but with hearts of gold on the inside.
Last night your dad took out your baby book and told me, Susan, Heinrich and the girls everything that he remembered about you as a baby... He was so proud and it kind of brought a tear to my eye. There is so much that he wants to tell you and I know that he has many regrets. I know that the biggest reason for you coming to America was to get to know your dad. You have two choices now:
A) You can stay where you are, be stubborn (like your dad) and miss out on the greatest second change the world has ever known OR
B) You can come back home, get your job back (Randy said he would take you back anytime), go back to college, get your degree and get the greatest second change the world has ever known - you can have what you always wanted.....
I know that you believe in God so you have to ask yourself: WWJD (What Would Jesus Do)? Once you answered that question, then you will now what the right thing is to do.
Talking about college, your financial aid was approved so I would have gotten my money back. I need you here before I can apply for 2012/2013 but you will get it again. That makes you moving into your own place so much more likely... I know that is another thing that you wanted....
You green card papers came back - we need new photo's - everything is on hold until we send the photo's. You are going back in the line if we don't do this soon.......
Our family effort is moving ahead (just think of the foot in the Cowboys bathroom).... They are making the prototypes and it should be done pretty soon.... I have no doubt in my mind that that will happen in the next few months and we really don't want you to miss out on that..... You named it and you helped your dad build it..... This will help us all so much.... And we would like you to be there when it comes through.
Rocky, you know that I am not saying this to be mean - I love and care for you very much and to through away everything is just not worth it. Please please just call your dad - I will send you the toll free numbers on your Facebook email again tonight so you can call anytime day or night and talk as long as you want....
Love you and miss you very much,
Dad and Ma
I cleaned your room today for the first time in eight weeks.... I did all your laundry, washed your bedding, moved some of the stuff on the tables around. There are a few other things that I need to do when I get home next weekend.... Hope you are going to like it....
I am going to talk to your mom (on Facebook) again tonight. I know that both your parents (and of course the wicket stepmother) really miss you and really wish that you would just talk with us.....
What do you do everyday? Is it to much for us to ask you to call so that we have the opportunity to apologize to you? Rocky, I know that you are your own person and I know that you can do whatever you like BUT put all of that aside and please think of our future. Think of you future family - I know that you want a family one day so think of them and make sure that you do not do something now to teach us a lesson that will someday cost you more than you have bargained for. You have until May 2nd for visa reasons to come back home. After that there is nothing that we can do to help you from the visa side.... I am telling you this and hoping that you see this in time. No matter where you are, please let us know. Your dad and I always wanted to take a drive down the coast towards Florida. That is where we figured that we would go if we were you. We can be there within a day if you call us but first give your dad a call so that you can hear what he wants to say to you. Rocky - you two are so much alike...... Stubborn as can be on the outside but with hearts of gold on the inside.
Last night your dad took out your baby book and told me, Susan, Heinrich and the girls everything that he remembered about you as a baby... He was so proud and it kind of brought a tear to my eye. There is so much that he wants to tell you and I know that he has many regrets. I know that the biggest reason for you coming to America was to get to know your dad. You have two choices now:
A) You can stay where you are, be stubborn (like your dad) and miss out on the greatest second change the world has ever known OR
B) You can come back home, get your job back (Randy said he would take you back anytime), go back to college, get your degree and get the greatest second change the world has ever known - you can have what you always wanted.....
I know that you believe in God so you have to ask yourself: WWJD (What Would Jesus Do)? Once you answered that question, then you will now what the right thing is to do.
Talking about college, your financial aid was approved so I would have gotten my money back. I need you here before I can apply for 2012/2013 but you will get it again. That makes you moving into your own place so much more likely... I know that is another thing that you wanted....
You green card papers came back - we need new photo's - everything is on hold until we send the photo's. You are going back in the line if we don't do this soon.......
Our family effort is moving ahead (just think of the foot in the Cowboys bathroom).... They are making the prototypes and it should be done pretty soon.... I have no doubt in my mind that that will happen in the next few months and we really don't want you to miss out on that..... You named it and you helped your dad build it..... This will help us all so much.... And we would like you to be there when it comes through.
Rocky, you know that I am not saying this to be mean - I love and care for you very much and to through away everything is just not worth it. Please please just call your dad - I will send you the toll free numbers on your Facebook email again tonight so you can call anytime day or night and talk as long as you want....
Love you and miss you very much,
Dad and Ma
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