Bring Rocky Home - 09-29-2012 - 1:40am

How long is long enough? That is a question that I would not have dreamed asking a year ago...... It has now been almost eight months since Rocky left.... It is so nice to talk with him but it is so hard to know that he is not home.

I know that I should have updated this blog so I apologize for not doing it sooner. I will write an update later this week and I will keep on writing from now on until Rocky is back home. I have to admit that I have written, just not on the blog. Since I stopped writing on here I have written more than 50 letters to Rocky..... And it was so nice to have him in person on the receiving end....

Thanks for all your ongoing prayers - and also for all our friend - the ones i have met in person and the ones that i have not met yet.  I know that that is what has kept us all from going crazy through this tough time.


Thank you,
Stepmother....

Bring Rocky Home - 05-30-2012 - 9:30am

Rocky is still not home but we are so grateful that he is alive and well. He calls us often and speaks for a few minutes at a time.... We are still praying for his safe return to us and hope that you all are too.

We believe that he will be home soon and this time for good.

Please remember to tell the people in your life how much you love them - don't assume that they know. That might be the biggest mistake that you can ever make....

Love you Rocky - look forward to your calls and can't wait to see you!!

Dad & Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 05-15-2012 - 11:59pm

This is my last entry - I am still writing but now I have an "address" to write to....

I have so much to say that I hardly know where to start.  

On Thursday my husband decided to stay in Jacksonville, Florida for one more day before heading back to Texas.  He even bought bicycles to make sure that no stone is unturned.....   Needless to say it was a really long day.  In the mean time I missed a phone call that was about to change our lives.....   The phone call was to say that they found Rocky.....   He was alive and now we knew where he was....   His dad did not hesitate for a minute, he got in the car and headed towards Georgia ........     How exciting but at the same time so emotional and soooo scary because you have no idea what to expect.....    Did Rocky even want to see us,? Did he want to talk with us? Will he be willing to accept our apology?  All these question like so many others in the past three months....  BUT at this stage nothing mattered, Rocky was alive and we were so grateful for this.

The first thing I did was to thank God that he was alive.  We have to work on the rest later.  I prayed so much in the past week but the difference this time was I finally understood what it was to hand your problems over to God in stead of trying to handle everything yourself.  This was not because of our perseverance or because we drove so far looking, it is simply because of the grace of God.  

We still have some hurdles to overcome but I believe with all my heart that this is still going to work out and our family will be reunited soon.  We continue praying.....

We saw him on Sunday and again on Monday before we headed back to Texas. He is looking great and is in good spirits. This is truly a blessing and we pray that God willing, we will be reunited very soon.

Rocky, we love you very much and we will make sure that from now on you are our number one priority, whether you are five or ninety five, you will always be our child and we will always be there for you!!!! Don't you EVER again forget that.... We are very grateful and very proud to have a son like you.....

Dad and Ma

PS: Thanks so much for all the support, advice and most of all prayers from everyone that read this blog. Please continue to pray for us because Rocky is not quite home yet.....

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-05-12 - 10:00pm

We have a huge breakthrough so I will update the blog tomorrow night with the latest news...... We are on the other side of the country and tomorrow is going to be a very big day for us.

Please pray for us so we can bring Rocky home soon.

Let's just say for right now, we are happier today then we have been in at least three months!!!


Thanks
Stepmother.

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-05-09 - 10:00pm

This is going to be a short note because tonight I am not very happy....

You know what the consequences are of you not getting back to school so PLEASE thinks very hard about your next step. You might think that you are playing a game or that you are very clever to hide from the world, but you know what, you are jeapodizing your future.

Your dad is in Florida, Daytona Beach to be exact until tomorrow morning. He then starts driving back to Texas. So, you have two choices.....
- Call him and get a ride with him from wherever you are. He will come and pick you up no matter where you are. His number will be in your Facebook email.
- Ignore this and pay the price for your actions. Just remember, you make this bed, you lie in it.

We have now done EVERYTHING we could and much much more to make up for anything we could ever have done to harm you you so this will be the last time that we spend any time or money looking for you.... After all, you are 27 years old and are responsible for your own actions.

We want to help you, get you through college, get you your job back, see if we can get you a sport scholarship, get the grant that was approved but YOU, AND ONLY YOU, can make this happen.

We are running out of time so this needs to happens really fast. You cannot blame anyone else for this - if you decide to keep on roaming around, that is fine but if things don't work out the way you planned, you only have yourself to blame for it after today.

We love you and we miss you,
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-05-08 - 10:00pm

Hi Rocky,

What would I give to just sit and talk to you - person to person.... Mothers Day is coming up this weekend and I figured if you missed my birthday than there is no way that you are even going to think of me on Mothers Day.... I still have the card that you made me last year and I will keep that forever..... it was so sweet..... you always make the word "Stepmother" sounds like a wonderful thing.... you make me feel special..... thank you so much for that.... Thanks for making me feel like a mother for the first time in my life last year....

Some people believe in coincidence - I believe in miracles..... I believe that God is always at work to help us - to listen to us and to answer

our prayers..... I realize that not all of our prayers are answered. Sometimes it is for our own good. Sometimes it just takes longer for God to answer our prayers because the time is not right....

We drove to Florida about six weeks ago - your dad lost his wallet and a person from Houston (now living in Florida) picked it up and called him. There was only one business card in the wallet and the guy found the number and called us - we were only one block away from where he had a restaurant and bar. That to me was a micacle.

This morning I prayed for another miracle - just a sign that you are alive.... anything..... I think that we have a solid lead but I am still praying that your dad finds you. That this is over by the end of this week. That I get home and you come running out of your room to come and say hi.... Rocky, there are - as usual - many people praying for your to come home.... for your safe return.... As soon as I am done with this I am going to go on my knees and pray that God keeps you safe - that He leads you home to where you belong - that he reunites you with your Dad...... I believe in miracles and I believe that God is going to answer our prayers..... I believe that you are coming home.

I know that I have no right to ask you this but if you can find it in your heart - please make this another special Mothers Day for me.....

I love you and miss you very much,
Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-05-07 - 11:00pm

There is so much that I want to say to you tonight but I don't ever want you to think that I am mad at you....

I am frustrated, I am sad, I am mad at myself, I am scared..... those are just some of the feeling that I have at the moment..... To be honest with you, I don't even know if you are alive. You wrote to me on March 14th - just a few sentences but that was not enough.... no one has seen you or heard from you in almost two months.... It is so scary not to know.... The police is not doing anything, they assume that you left on your own so you are fine. WE JUST DON'T KNOW!!!

I trust that you are safe but there is that little fear that creeps in every now and again: "What if he is not OK"? I dont even want to tell your dad what I am thinking.... everytime I do that, I pray to God just to keep you safe, to let you contact us and just tell us where you are. I know that this is not easy for you but this is so much harder for everyone that loves you and that careS about you. You know where we all are - you have the power to contact us whenever you like but for us, there is noting to confort us, nothing to make us feel better, no number that we can call just to talk with you.

Like I said, I am not mad at you but if I could only talk to you, just hear your voice.... It would be so much better than to not know.... this is driving me crazy. I go though stages where I am fine, where I believe everything is ok... I pray every day, I know that there are still hundreds of people praying for you every day, people all over the world - praying that God keeps you safe, praying that you will come home, praying that you have food to eat.... I mostly want you to be happy, I hope that you have someone to talk to, someone that cares about you as much as we do... I am also a little selfish because I really just want to to come home.

Rocky, I don't care if people think that I am making a fool of myself for begging you to come home... I don't care to admit that I made many mistakes when it comes to you... I don't care what anyone thinks of me - all I care about right now is that we find you and that you come back home to us. I would like nothing more than for you to have a family, to feel a part of a family and to give you everything that you ever wanted - and I am not talking about material things, I am talking about love, respect, support - all of those things.

It is so nice to see that some of the flyers that we mailed out actually made it to the doors of some of the shelters. The minister that put this flyer up also called me and gave me some really good advice when I was there. She is doing such a wonderful job at the shelters but there is such a shortage of money and people to help.

Just so you know - we are running around all over the country looking for you.... you dad is so sad and so disappointed when he gets home at night and we found nothing. But you know what - we get up the next morning and start all over again.... hoping for a better day.... and praying for the outcome that we all so badly need....

We love you and miss you so much,

Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-05-06 - 11:59pm

Hi Rocky,  

As always I hope that you had a wonderful day, met some interesting people and are safe, not hungry and as happy as you can be....  for now...

I almost wish that I can tell you to keep a diary of your experience.....  Even though your dad and I miss you so much and would like nothing more than for you to come home, there are a lot of good that is coming from this.....

.......... We realize that life is to short to keep looking back - we realize that we have to make the best of every day because the people that are in our lives today may not be here tomorrow;
.......... Don't judge people - you don't know what they have gone through (or might still be going through);
.......... Don't look down on people - just because they have less than you does not mean that you are better than them;
.......... Forgive people - don't go to bed mad;
.......... Admit your mistakes - don't be to proud to admit that you could be wrong;
.......... It is hard to apologize to people so if someone has the courage to apologize, have the courage to forgive;
.......... Don't be to proud to ask for help;
.......... Don't be to proud to accept help;
.......... We realize that if you did not leave we would not have realized all of these things....

So, in a way we have to thank you for leaving BUT please come back now...   We have learned a very expensive lesson and I can promise you that things have changed....  They will never be the same again.....  It will be everything that you have prayed for and more.....

We are all human and as that we make mistakes.  Don't let these mistakes ruin relationships....  Especially not the type of relationships that needs to last a lifetime....    With a significant other, parents, children, friends, anyone that has meaning in your life....   Fight for what you want because if you wait to long it might be to late.... 

A man told your dad today that he knows you very well and that you guys drink together every day....   Both your dad and I knew that that is not true because we believe in you, we trust you and we know that you are responsible enough not to do that.  Every parent wants to believe that their child is the best....  We know that and we believe in you.  Now all you need to do is to believe in yourself and in us.  At this stage YOU are the only person that has it in his power to give us all another try.....   Honestly, what do you have to lose?

I am on my flight right now, the moon is just coming out on the horizon....  It is beautiful ....  I have to wonder if you are also looking at that....  What are you thinking?  What are you feeling?  Where are you?  Are you ever planning on coming home?  Are you ever going to talk with us again?  Are you with someone or are you alone?  Are you sad?  Are you happy?

The first week after you left I thought that I will never get through this...   I pretty much lay in bed 18 hours a day, I did not want to celebrate my birthday, I did not want to laugh, all I wanted to do was cry and feel sorry for myself .....  Then something amazing happened....  I realized that for once in my life I am not in control....   I had to trust God with his one....   I had to pray every day and believe God is working on this one for me......   You know what, I got up, I started talking to people, I started working on a plan...  I could breath, I could get through this one because I was no longer alone - I needed God...  I have not stopped praying since....  I even go to church.....   I don't make it there every Sunday but you know what, I pray and pray and pray....   And I believe that God is keeping you safe and that he will let us find you when the time is right....  Of course I hope that it is soon but of course that is just me.....

We have all of these questions and because of no fault of yours we may never have answers.....   I just want to remind you again.....  We are not mad at you...  We do not blame you for any of this...  We will never send you away, no matter how many times we threaten you...  We love you more than we even realized...   We are proud of you, not only for what you accomplished with your GED and in college, but also for having the courage to take a stand and to prove yourself to everyone....     Please if you can find it in your heart to forgive us, please contact us and let us at least hear your voice.....

Rocky, I can not state enough that we love you and that we miss you and that we are sorry about everything that we did wrong by you in the past two years but please let us help you....  We would love nothing more than that...  No matter what happened before, can we please put it behind us and only look forward...

LOVE, HUGS & KISSES,
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-05-05 - 11:59pm

Hi there,

Hope you are having a wonderful weekend..... Susan and I left early this morning to drive back to Houston .... Your dad stayed behind in Florida as I mentioned last night.....

We drove to New Orleans to go check one more time if you were there.... We check the two big shelters.... The one on O.C. Hailey and the one on Kamp street. We spoke to numerous people in the French Quarter, we walked through Jackson square, we handed out flyers, photo's and tried whatever were could...... We stopped under the bridge where all the homeless people gather (close to the shelter on O.C. Hailey and found a few people that said that they have seen you as recently as this morning.). When we followed up on the leads none of then really added up. Last we went to the public library...... You will never guess who we ran into there.... Wayne..... He said that you were his little brother and that if we talk to you we must tell you that he said hi.... He also posed for a photo for you...... See the insert..... I wish that you stayed with him.... at least we know that he is one of the good guys.

We are driving back to Houston now... Susan is driving so I am writing to you.... I normally write just before I go to bed but we won't be home until almost 1:00am so I have to finish now.

This has been such a humbling experience to me.....
- First of all I realize that I should never take anything for granted. We did that with you and now we might have lost you forever....
- Secondly, don't judge people by their appearance. We met so many homeless people that wanted to help us find you. They did not want any money from us..... All they wanted to do was make sure that you are safe and that we find you....
- I realize that any of us can end up in that situation at any time. These days nothing is guaranteed. Today I can have a job and tomorrow not.
- I was always scared of homeless people.... Today we spoke with a young girl, she is the same age as you. Her father is dead, her moth live in Arizona and wants nothing to do with her and she called her brother in Austin and he is not willing t help her. Susan and I were crying with her and hugged her but we felt helpless to do anything for her. We gave her the name of a women's shelter that can help her...
- We realized that there are many wonderful people in this world - people that will donate money, time and in some cases their entire lives to helping people in need....

So, from now on I will help a person by buying them food, volunteer at shelters and just try and be friendlier to people.... And I will remember not to judge people.... I don't know how they got where they are and until I know I should not be so fast to judge.....

Rocky, it is sad that there are so many poor, hungry people in this world. Too many and there is not enough people that is willing to help them. You have the means of doing that so in stead taking, how about us giving some back?

One more thing that we also have to realize is that not all people are good - whether they have money or not, whether they live in a big house or in a small shack or whether they live on the streets - there are bad people in this world also and by doing the things we are doing right now we are putting ourselves in danger. Like I mentioned before - you should not judge people by their apperance, some people that look good can be bad. That being said, sometimes following up on leads can put us in more danger than what we are willing to admit. People could set traps for us but because we are so eager to find you, we will follow any lead, no matter how small. I will leave you with this though right now....

We love you and we miss you and we will help you no matter what.... just contact us.

Lots of love,
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-05-04 - 11:00pm

I guess I can not stop myself....  It feels like I am letting you down if I don't write to you.....

Well, you dad and I spoke okay and decided, what the heck...  Why try and keep it a secret that we are looking for you....  We are flying blind and for all we know we are not even in the same state that you are in right now....

Your dad, me and Susan left the house just after midnight on Tuesday evening....   We hardly left and one of the windshield wipers broke.  We stopped at Walmart about three miles from where we started and had to buy new wiper blades and install them.....  Here we were at 1am, sitting on our butts in the parking lot in front of Walmart trying to read the directions on how to install then.....   We at least got out of there before 2am.....   We drove into New Orleans at around 8am and then went on to Gulfport, MS.  We visited all the homeless shelters, soup kitchens, spoke to local people, distributed flyers and photo's and you know what, we had no luck....  No-one had seen you out there.....    I have to tell you that from earlier leads we were made to believe that you were no longer in New Orleans so we stopped perusing that avenue....   We have been waiting for a lead but we have nothing....  We decided to move on and try further west than that....  The reason for us being in Mississippi that morning....  It was raining really hard and at the first shelter your dad pulled the truck right up to the building so that Susan and I could jump out without getting to wet....  When we walked in there was a young man that looked just like you.....   My heart almost stopped....  I was so excited but at the same time so scared.......    Well when I looked closer I realized that it was not you.....    It felt like I lost you all over when I have not even found you.....

Well, it kept on raining as we drove on, getting worse as the day went on.....   By the time we got to Biloxi, Mississippi, there were flash flood warnings all over the place.....   We stopped at every shelter, greyhound bus stop, talked to locals, handed out flyers and gave people our names and numbers and still, no-one had seen you.  We finally arrived at our hotel and went to bed....   It was a really long day and we know knew .........   Nothing!!!!!...     Well, the positive people we are we did not take this as a bad sight....   At least we did not think you were in Mississippi.......   One more state to check off....     

The next day we moved on to Alabama....  We stopped at all the shelters that we could find....  We stopped at Mobile, Alabama for one....  Same thing....  Went to all the shelters, soup kitchens, spoke the locals....  Still nothing....     We drove down to the beaches......     From the one, to the next the next....   Looking at every person that could potentially be you...  Every time continuing on our  journey, having to realize that we still know NOTHING at all!!!

From there we drove on to Pensacola, Florida......   There we found people that said that they may have seen you....   We don't really go on that or get to excited about that....  We first take all the facts, look into them, verify then and then see where it takes us....   As you know, seeing that we have no idea where you are, leading us no where....   This one person said that he had a beer with you and he saw you at the library on the computer......   We drove to the library but no-one there recognized you so we did not take that to seriously......    Every lead that we get we at so hopeful but at the end of every day - driving back to the hotel, it is very quiet, no-one says a word....  We are all thinking the same thing but no one wants to say a word.......  Sort of disappointed, discouraged,  drained......    Just before we came home yesterday we spoke to someone that said that if he was you that he would go to Panama City....  We decided o drive to Destin and got a hotel there for the night.....

 So guess what we did this morning...   Yes, you guessed right...  We were off to Panama City.....      Visited the Greyhound bus stops, homeless shelters, soup kitchens, spoke with the locals, even stopped a few cops along the road....    Same results as always....  No less, no clues, no Rocky.....  Once again, NOTHING!!!!!     You kind of get used to it....  You pray and pray and pray but still NOTHING!!!!!!  We spent the nigh in a hotel in Destin.....  Beautiful place but we don't really focus on the beautiful beaches, we don't focus on the color of the water, or the white of the sand....  All we do is to look if we can see you in the crowds .......   But NOHING!!!

With no leads anywhere east of Pensacola we decided to spent tonight in a hotel in Pensacola......    Susan and I have to drive back to Texas in the morning because she has to get back to her family and I have to fly to Virginia to go work on Sunday night......  Oh how I wish that I would stay longer with your dad but I have to work......

Well, if you are anywhere between Houston and Florida pease just give your dad a call.....  Just let him know where you are....  We will not try to convince you to come home...  We just need to see that you are really ok......     Please just give him a chance....  He I going to stay another week to see if he has any more lunch.....    

I can not even start t explained to you how hard this is for us......  Please Rocky, pease please please, just talk to us in person........

I have to get to bed...  It is a really long road back home for us two girls and we have a few stops to make before we get back to Houston.....  All just for you.....

Lots and lots of love....
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-05-03 - 11:00pm

Hi there,

Nothing has changed, we still love you, we still miss you and we are still proud of you......   And most of all, we still hope that we wake up tomorrow morning and you are back with us....

I don't think that you understand how worried we are about you.....  And how much we care...  And to be honest with you, I don't think we realized how much you are a part of our lives until you walked always three months ago....  Yes, believe it or not, this has been the worst three months of our lives.

I hate to write negative things to you but it is very hard to stay positive with days like today .....   Yet, at the end of the day I pray and thank God that we did not get bad news about you....  In this case no news if definitely better that bad news ...

Today we stopped and talked with some homeless people.  I will never again walk past a homeless person and not take a second look.  Maybe, just maybe it is you.  They have been more helpful than any other people that we have spoken to.  One would think that it gets easier as time goes by but to tell you the truth, it gets harder and harder the more time goes by.  Susan and I have decided that we are going to volunteer at a homeless shelter for thanksgiving from now on.  These are the people that helped us and we would like to return the favor - even if it is not the same shelter or the same people.....  We don't realize how fortunate we are and It does not take much to give a little back to people that are less fortunate than ourselves.  Also, never again will I judge a homeless person, I don't know why there are where they are and I don't know what drove then there - but what I do know, everyone needs a second chance......

It has really been a very long hard day and tomorrow is going to be even harder  so I need to get some sleep so we can face tomorrow.

I hope you have a safe place to sleep tonight and I hope you have food to eat in the morning.

Rocky, if you read this and you can find it in your heart to forgive us for everything that drove you to leave, please give us a call....  Please just talk to us....   We are so worried abut you and we would love to at least hear your voice and just talk with you......   

We love you very much and we really miss you,

LOVE, HUGS & KISSES,
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-05-02 - 10:00pm

Where we are today it has been raining and raining and then raining some more.... Kind of depressing but at the same ime thankful for the rain..... Today we have been asking questions, looking for answers and begging for help.... None of which came in he form that we would have wanted at all..... Yes, we are in our final attempt to find you....

It is in difficult times that we realize who out true friends are..... Of course you know who you are and those people would not want me to mention them by name - and you know who you are.... We appreciate your calls, your endless hours on the road with us, you searched on the Internet, your comforting phone calls, your text message and the last but certainly not the least your prayers that God will keep Rocky safe and sound. We know that it is not always possible to be with the people that are close o you but just the thought that those people are thinking of you is comfort enough....

Rocky, just as We know that our family and close friends are with us - even if only in thought - I want you to know that we are with you also. The one big difference is that you choose this way for yourself - we did not. We are not innocent, everything but, but you need to make amends because it will eat you up alive if you don't. One day you will look back and regret the choices that yu make today and then it will be to late. Some mistakes are way more costly than others and right now this is going to cost you dearly.... please come back while we can still help you.....

A few weeks ago someone wrote the serenity prayer as a commen on the blog.... After this week we pretty much have no choice than to accept the inevitable.... You just simply don't want to come home..... However hard it would be o accept, it is what it is.... We made our bed and we have to lie in it.... We have two choices:
- We can take all the blame and have to regret it for he rest of our lives;
- Ask for forgiveness and hope that you will return some day so we can make it up to you
- Pray to God to help us to accept this and ask him to be with you wherever you are

I choose the third option so I would like to mention this again (I added an additional piece that I found on the Internet that I thought appropriate for tonight):

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

As always, we love you and miss you very much.

LOVE, HUGS & KISSES,
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-05-01 - 11:30pm

Hi Rocky,

I hope you had a great May 1st.... we have been a little busy and I am really tired tonight....

I just wanted to say that we love you and we miss you and hope you have a good night and a great day tomorrow.... I will write a nice long note tomorrow night....


Lots of LOVE, HUGS and KISSES,
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-30 - 10:00pm

As much as I want to write tonight - I don't know what to say.... it is almost as if the words have dried up and there is nothing left to say...... I think that we need to come to a point in our lives and with this situation that we have to say - enough is enough..... we have really done as much as we can..... like I mentioned - we will go to the ends of the earth to find you but we cannot keep going on like this.... it really is going to kill one of us if we don't take care of ourselves. You dad is in a really bad state right now and I am very worried about him.

I will keep updating the blog for as long as it takes for you to come home - other than that there is nothing more that we can do. You are 27 years old and if you don't want to come home and don't want to be here with us, you know what, it is your choice and pretty much nothing we can do about it.

That being said:
- We are not giving up on you;
- We are not and will never be mad at you for this;
- You will always have a place in our hearts and in our home - no matter what;
- We will welcome you back with open arms anytime you change your mind and want to come back;
- If you ever need help, we are just a phone call away;
- If you ever need to come home and need us to come get you, we will not think twice - we will be there so fast it will make your head spin;
- We love you very much;
- We miss you very much;
- We will worry about you every day - nothing we can do to change that;
- We will do anything to have you back but now it has to come from your side.

Please don't take this the wrong way.... You now have to come home on your own.... If you are to proud and to stubburn, we cannot keep chasing you around the country. This is a two way street and we are standing halfway waiting for you to come and meet us.. It is now up to you to come the rest of the way. We are going to do the best we can to go on with out daily business and I can tell you now, it is going to be really hard... but we cannot keep blaming ourselves and stop living.

We have appologized to you many times and it is up to you to forgive us....

We love you and we miss you very much and we will be patiently waiting for you to come home.....


LOVE, HUGS & KISSES;
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-29 - 11:59pm

Sad - Alone - Depressed - Bored - Mad (at himself) - Pretending (to be happy)....

Those are all words that I will use to describe your dad right now......    I don't want to start this week on a negative note because I believe that this is going to be a great week.

Rocky, I know the last few days (or maybe even weeks) I have been a little negative....  I am sorry about that.....   When it comes to you I have nothing to be negative about.....    You are always nice to people, you are very well mannered, you are kind, generous, neat, proud......  and many more comes to mind.   It is also some of the things that might keep you from coming home......    There is an old song with the words "Oh Lord it is hard to be humble".....   How true that is...  We are afraid to admit that maybe we reacted a little strong....  Or maybe we should have done this or that....  The thing that keeps us from admitting is most often not the fact that we overreacted....  it is our pride that gets in the way...

Your dad and I have been admitting to all that would hear that this is NOT YOUR FAULT, that we did not always do right by you.....  If this is what is holding you back from coming home or talking with us, there are many ways to get by that, to not have to face the people at the college, one way would be to transfer to Tomball.....but unless you come home or at least contact us, we cannot help you...

We worry about you 24 hours a day 7 days of the week.....   That means for the past 85 days we have not slept very much.....  It is affecting every aspect of our lives......     people tell us: "Take care of yourselves"....... but how can we do that if we did such a bad job of taking care of you?   We are not important at this stage...   The only thing that matters is to find you and to bring you home......    

Well - got to go but remember - we love you very much and we miss you something terrible.....

LOVE, HUGS and KISSES!!!
Dad and Ma

PS: Today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.....

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-28 - 11:59pm

Today was not one of those normal days... Today was very stressful. Your dad just wanted to get in the car tonight and drive to who-knows-where to find you.... There are a few problems with that:
- Where do we drive to?
- Who do we talk to?
- What if you see us and want nothing to do with us?
- Where do we start?

There are just so many questions and no answers..... It can be so easy if you just call us. Let us discuss this. We will not fight with you to come home... We just want to talk with you....

I do my best to be positive but it is so hard to stay that way.... I pray every day.... I don't know exactly what to ask for.... I know the most important thing is to keep you safe, to make sure that you have enough to eat, to make sure that you have a safe and warm place to sleep...... I just pray that one person to which I sent a letter will contact me so that we get a new clue... That way at least we can have a starting point.

I am not sure why I am sharing thing with you.... If you are reading this and don't do anything you probably don't care. If you are not then we will never know. My gut feeling tells me that if you were reading this you would have contacted us a long time ago... Now, how do we get you to read this? I sent it to your email, facebook, posted it on flyers, have it on my facebook page.... What am I missing?

I am on vacation so we will most like get in the car and drive somewhere tomorrow or Monday.... We will continue looking until we have no more money left.... We cannot and will not ever give up on you...... We need to find you and I pray to God that we find you this time.

This is really hard on your dad, it is hard on me also and it makes it even worse that I have to worry about both of you. I see what this is doing to your dad and it is killing me.

It is past midnight and I have to get to bed... Not sure where we are going and what we will be doing but if my prayers are answered, we might see you soon.

We love you very much and we would do anything to get you to come home with us.

LOVE, HUGS & KISSES,
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-27 - 11:59pm

Hi Rocky,

I hope that you are going to have a wonderful weekend.... We really miss you so much but I hope that you are at least happy.... I cannot blame you for anything but I want to tell you that you are causing a lot of pain for a lot of people..... Your dad and Heinrich went dirt bike riding today and I spent the day with Susan and the girls.... All we did all day today was talk about you... Wondering if you are ok.... Wondering if you even give us a second thought.

I don’t think there is a day that goes by that I wonder if we are ever going to see you again.... Rocky, that is a really hard thing for anyone to accept.... I know that you may think.... who am I to tell you what to do or what to think.... I live with your dad and I know what he is like.... He is not a person that shows his feeling or even admits to having feelings... But you know what? He is a really kind person that will do anything for anyone in need... When they were in New Orleans searching for you they went to a Greyhound bus station and there was a women crying because she had problems and needed to go back home - thousands of miles away.... You know what he did.... He paid for her to get her luggage home with her..... He does things like that that no-one knows about..... He does not brag about it.... And yet there are so many people that judge him.... He is so used to being used by people and then when they have no more use for him, they cast him aside like an old rag.... That is the story of his life and it is really hard for him to trust people.... It takes time but I can promise you, he comes around and when he does, it is so worth the wait..... Please don't give up on your dad. I beg you for his sake and for your sake.

I know that he loves you... I know that he cares about you... But you two are so much alike.... You are just so much more trusting then him so please, I beg you, please give him a call... Please at least give him an opportunity to apologize to you. I am going to give you the toll free numbers again on you Facebook email.... You can call anytime and talk as long as you want - you will not pay for the call if you call from a call box.

As much as I would love o talk with you I know that that is not important to you at this stage.

I was Scrapbooking tonight and I am doing it again tomorrow.... That is my way with dealing with the fact that you left. We try to think of everything that we can do to get you back home but what can we do? The law is not on our side so we are pretty much out of luck. Your documents expire soon and after that I am not sure that there is anything that we can do to help you to stay. Please don't jeopardize your future.... You might think that you know what is best for you at this stage but believe me, this is not a game... This is not something that is going to be excused down the line. Look at Sarel - he stayed over his limit - we just did not know any better - he was banned for 10 years and still now there is no guarantee that he will actually get a visa. Remember this is not only about you - it is also about your future family - your future children.... You have to think of their future also.... Please at least strive to give them a better life than you have had.

Rocky, you know that I love you and you know that I only want what is best for you.... Please please let us help you.....

I am out of ways to make you understand how sorry we are....
I am out of ways to make you see that we love you very much....
I am out of ways to make you see that we are proud of you....
I am out of ways to make you see that we want you home with us....

We live you and we miss you so much!!!!

Love
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-25 - 10:00pm

Hi Rocky,

I am looking forward to my vacation next week. I really wish that you were here so we could do things together.... Imagine, fishing, golfing, watching a new movie in the theather.... nothing fancy - just spend quality time togethet. I cannot tell you how much we would LOVE to have you back home with us. I just want to relax and have fun with the two most important people in my life.

I need to drink 5-Hour-Energy in the day to keep me awake and I have to drink sleeping pills at night to make me sleep..... I know that is not good for me but I don't know how else I can get through the days at work and through the nights in the hotel and lately even at home. It has been way to long and I am not sure how long I can keep doing this. I guess that I will have to keep doing this until I collapse one day and sleep for a months..... Until then I will make sure that I write to you every night.

I don't have to much news today - your dad is building trailers again. I know that he misses you very much and if he does not stay busy it will drive him crazy. He called me tonight and we are going to sell the big trailer - the one with the Big-5 on.... We really won't use it again so there is no reason to let it sit in the barn and let is get old.

I am working on your scrapbook.... I just wish that I had more photo's of when you were younger... you were to cute with your curly blond hair..... and you were so friendly.... never cried - always smiling... I guess that not a lot has changed. You are still always friendly, always smiling.... I really miss that. I often ask myself the question: "Will I ever see Rocky again?". I doubted it in the beginning but then last night, I did my bible study and I prayed and you know what, I believe that I will. I believe that you are coming home and I believe that this is going to be a Cindarella-kind-of-story... What I mean by that is that this story is going to have a happy ending.

- You are going to come home
- We are going to live "Happily Ever After"
- You are going to have the relationship with you dad that you always wanted
- We already love you - now we are going to prove it to you
- You are going to have the life that you deserve
- You are not going to have anyone preasure you anynmore....
- You are going to be happy....

What do you have to lose? Come and give it a try - not for your Dad, not for your Mom, and most certainly not for me..... do it for yourself. Be your own person and it you don't like it, we will support you in whatever you do - from now on you will have our full support in everything you do.

Just remember, we might not always agree but that does not mean we love you any less. We may have arguments or fights but from now on everyone will get a chance to say what they have to without being inteerrupted......

Rocky, I pray for you tonight - I pray that God will open your eyes tonight so that you can find your way home. He will help you to see that we are not all bad - that there is some good in us dispite what you may think. Again tonight, I want to state that none of this was your fault. This was totally becuase of us that you left and we don't want anyone to think otherwise. This is the truth so if anyone prays for anyone I want people to pray for you because you deserve it.... You deserve to be happy and you deserve a second chance.

We love you very much and talk to you again tomorrow.

LOVE - HUGS - KISSES
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-24 - 10:00pm

Hi Rocky,

I hope you had a good day today....

What did you do today? Where are you sleeping tonight? Are you hungry? Are you cold? What are you thnking? Do you miss us? Do you ever think that we might be missing you? Are you ok? Do you miss us as much as we miss you? Do you ever think of coming home? What is it that is stopping you from coming home?

All these questions - no answers. If only we could talk to you. There are so many things that we would like to say to you. If only there was a way that we could talk to you or see you it would make such a difference - even if you don't want to be here with us... even if you never want to see us again.... if we could only talk with you for two or three hours. At least we can resolve some issues and show you that we really love you - even if we don't really know how to show it. We have not been the best parents in the world but we do love you - dispite of what you may think.

Life is not always easy and sometimes we say and do things that we are not proud of.... but we often get a change to redeem ourselves - to set things right....

If only you could call us or let us know where you are so that we can have a conversation with you.... that would make a world of difference to us and I believe it would do the same for you. We will not try to bring you home if you don't want to come home but please please please just give us a chance to talk with you.

John 3:16 For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone that believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. 17 God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

We love you and we ask you to contact us - on your terms - not ours.

Lots of love
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-23 - 11:00pm

Your dad was very upset this morning. He had a dream last night.....

He dreamt that he woke up when he felt someone lying down on the bed next to him. When he turned to face the other side of the bed you were lying on your back staring at the ceiling. He said that all you said was that you were happy that you were home. He said he put his hand on your sholder then he got up to go to the bathroom. When he got back you were sitting on the side of the bed..... Then he woke up.

It really upset him because it was so real.... and he was sad that it was only a dream and you were not there.

Rocky - he is really having a hard time with this. He so badly wants to make it up to you. We both do.

We love you very much and we would like nothing better than for you to call us so we can come and get you....

As always,
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-22 - 11:00pm

I did my bible study this morning and it came down to the fact that I have to hand my problems over to God and put my trust in Him and he will take it over form me.....   As you know one of my biggest problems is the fact that I am a control freak - handing over control is very hard but I am working on it and I know that I can do it.....     The question that I have is how will I know that what I am doing in part of the plan and what is considered interfering?

I do trust God but there is also a human factor involved and the devil on my shoulder that keeps wintering in my ear: "No one is going to help you.  Unless you do this yourself it will not get done". My prayer today is that I will know the difference between interfering with the Master Plan and assisting with the Master Plan.  

I posted a lot of pictures on my page today - all of you....    I am going to post more tonight or maybe tomorrow night - depending on how late we get to the hotel tonight.  I did not realize how many pictures I have of you....  To me that is very exciting.....    Pictures is my thing....   I am working on four books at the moment...  one of them for you...    I just wish that I had more pictures of you growing up....  Your mom send me really cute ones.....  I love everyone of them....

I spoke to my mom today....   They call or text me every day to find out if we have heard anything.....    You know what - it has been 78 days today and the people that started praying with me are still praying.....    They are scattered all over the world...  Like I said earlier on, we have 24 hour prayer coverage because of the different time zones......    Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, South Africa, The Netherlands, United Kingdom, Canada, USA, Mexico.....   and I know is not all.......

Rocky, there is something that I would like to say to you....   Some people go to church and they sit in the front row for all to see.....   but when it comes down to it they are not really nice people.  You told me once that you don't have o go. Church to be a good person..... or to be close to God.  You know what - you are right.... and I would like to explain why I am saying that:
.......... YOU never have anything bad to say about anyone;
.......... YOU never treat anyone bad;
.......... YOU always consider other people's feelings even if it hurts you;
.......... YOU are very hardworking;
.......... YOU only see the good in people;
.......... YOU are trusting - almost to a fault;
YOU are the type of person that we all should strive to be like.....   It is just to bad that we only acknowledge this now......   

You are an example for other people.  You are the type of person that we should look up to.  

I can keep going for the rest of the night but I am going to stop now......  Rocky, I pray tonight that God will open your eyes so that you can see that the best place for you are right here with us - or at least with your dad.  If I have to stay in whatever city I end up working to help you and your dad sort out your relationship I will do that...  I will do whatever it takes.

We really love you and we only want he best for you.  We learnt the hard way but rather late than never.

Lots and lots of love
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-21 - 07:00pm

77 days today..... We are lying around the house waiting for some kind of clue but there is nothing..... waiting for you to come home.... waiting for a miracle..... waiting waiting waiting...... In the beginning we did not say to much to each other but now we talk about you all the time..... we cook extra food in case you come home..... I set up your place for dinner tonight without thinking about it but luckily I realized it before your dad came into the house.... We had steak for dinner so I left half of mine in case you come home.....

The last few days has just been so much harder than the rest.... I know that I need to keep praying and not give up hope but with every day that passes it feels like you are forgetting about us so you no longer want to come home even if you could.... I guess that is the only conclusion that we can come to..... I am still hoping that you will somehow get to see this - or someone that is around you these days will see this and tell you how much we love you and how much we miss you and more than anything else, how much we would like for you to come back home to us. I cannot and will not believe that you will read this and decide to just ignore us.... you are way better than that. I still pray that you will get to see this and have it in your heart to forgive us and come back home to us....

I know that this is getting old - but I will never stop saying this and I will never give up hope on you and for as long as you are gone I will keep on writing.... that is something that I promised you in the beginning and I will never again let you down... even if you decide never to talk to us again and ever come home - I will be here waiting for you whenever you need me....

I pray every day that you will come home.... Your dad has changed in a way that is hard for me to explain. I know that this is all good and you had to leave so that things could change.... but now I pray that you will come home so that we can show you that we are not so bad.... I promise you that.


We love you very much and we pray that you will be home soon!!

Lots and lost of love
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-20 - 07:00pm

Hi Rocky,

I did not write last night because when I came home I was waiting for you to come running out of your room.... Once again - nothing.... You are not here... As hard as I try to not let it bother me it makes me so sad to realize that you think that we don't want you here.... Oh how we miss you!!!!!

Today is a rainy day - you left on a rainy day and when it rains I always think that maybe today..... maybe today you will knock on the door....... Oh my gosh, what are we going to do if you don't come home soon..... Yes, I know that life will go on but we will be sad every single day..... When bad things happen to you, you don't ever get over it... you just learn to live with it.....

You still think about it every day.... It still bothers you every day.... You still miss the people that are no longer there (whether they died, had to leave for some reason or left without saying goodbye)... You never forget the people that made an impact on your life... Whether it was for a lifetime, a few years or a few days.... It does not make a difference. The hole that is left in your heart can only be healed if the person that left returns or when you have closure ....

I know in my last post I wrote that the question you have to ask before you do anything is: "What is the worst thing that can happen"..... That is a really positive way to look at life but you know what, I have been doing that for the most part of the last 25 years but since you left that is sooo hard... If I ask myself that question - the answer is that if you decide that you never want to come back again... Rocky, you know what, that scares me soooo much.... I don't know how we will survive that.....

I pray that you get to read this and that by some mirracle you decide on your own to come home.

We love you so much and we really miss you...

Love
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-18 - 09:00pm

Hi Rocky,

I hope you are doing OK. You know, I told someone today that I am not sure what to write to you tonight and he said to me to write something positive. I really did not give it a second thought until now.... I normally don't have to think about it but tonight I wanted to write something special to you....

When I was in high school I was always know as someone's daughter, or someone's sister..... I was never known as just me.... I was in school with the same people for most of my 12 years at school.... and I loved all of them and I am still in contact with most of them..... BUT - I wanted to go somewhere where I could start over - we I would be just me..... My parents took me to the airport, I boarded a flight for the first time in my life and I flew to a city far from home. A stranger picked me up to the airport, dropped me off at the dorm and I never saw him again..... It was the start of my first time ever away from home but I had to deal with it.... all by myself.... I had no-one to talk to, no-one to share anything with.... I really missed my family and I could only go home once every six months..... to make things worse, the was a hurricane that hit my home town and for my first two weeks I could not even call home.... no contact for someone that was so close to their family and no way to even get close to home. I had no money to fly and no way to contact anyone that could help me or even tell me that my family was ok.....

So, in stead of enjoying my life in college like the other students did, I sat around feeling sorry for myself - thinking that I was all alone - no one to talk with - walking around like the cat stole my milk.....

The part that I did not see was what was going on back home.... I am one of four girls.... at that time only my youngest sister was still in high school. In one week my oldest sister moved to northern part of the country, I went off to college and my sister just younger than me went off to school even further than what I was..... Then the storm hit the city and all communication was lost.... So in one week my parents lost three of their four kids and for two weeks they could not check up on any one of us.... this almost killed my mother but I was so caught up in my own loneliness that not once did I think of my poor mother.....

My mother was (and still is) the type of person that made four kinds of breakfast every morning - we always got whatever we wanted for breakfast because my mom believed that if we walked out of the house and something should happen to us, at least she gave us whatever we wanted to eat. She is such a great mother and would most likely do ANYTHING for her children.....

Once we established communications again, my dad told me all of this and how hard it was for my mother... I know that it was hard for him also but of course he was a man so he never admitted it...

At that point I decided that I need to start being more positive - stop always looking at the negative and focus only on the positive.... It is very hard sometimes but there was always one question that I could ask myself before I made any big decision in my life: "What is the worst thing that could happen"? To this day I still live by that rule.....

While I was in college, I had no money.... sometimes I would have enough shampoo for just one more wash and I would worry about how I was going to wash my hair the next day.... "What is the worst thing that could happen?"... Asking someone if I can have a little bit of their shampoo? That is not so bad.... Then, that afternoon I would received a letter in the mail from my grandmother with enough money in to buy a bus ticket into the city and a bottle of shampoo.... In the end there was always a higher power that took care of us and knew what we needed.

After I finished college I move back home and not long after that I got my own apartment and moved in.... I had an apartment but I had no money for food or furniture.... I took a bus (that was free from the office) to my mom's house twice a week to go spend time with them and more than anything else, to go eat.... Not long after that I met your dad and when we were married five years I was offered a job in America..... We were both very close to my parents and at the same time we knew that you were somewhere in South Africa..... It was a really hard decision to make - and once again I thought: "What is the worst thing that could happen?" Well the answer was easy, the worst thing that could happen to me was getting back home with my parents... I would have to face the people that I worked with and ask for my job back but you know what - I will be with my family so that is worth everything else that I need to face.....

Well your dad and I moved to America - we came over with $100 and four suitcases of clothes. We got to Sacramento airport and had to drive a rental car to our hotel... We had a little piece of paper with directions on, had to drive a car on the wrong side of the road and talk to people that really did not understand a word that we were saying - even if we spoke English.... That was really hard and for the first year I just wanted to go home.... For the first month or so we did not have money for food.... some days we shared a $1 hamburger - the only food we had for a day..... It was hard times and we had to work really hard for everything that we have today.... and it was not always easy..... we had huge fights.... but in the end we were there for each other...... and believe me, both of us considered leaving at some point but we never did....

The one thing that kept me going throught all of this is family.... I have a wonderful Mother, three wonderful sisters, one brother-in-law and all the children, and when I married your dad, I was lucky enough to get three more wonderful sisters, three brother-in-laws and their children...... so you see, in the end, no matter how far you are from home, the one thing you can always count on is your family.

Tonight I would like to challenge you - if you come home: "What is the worst thing that can happen?". Things can be the same as what they were OR things can be better. Is it not worth a try? What do you have to lose?

I better get to sleep otherwise I will never be able to get out of bed in the morning.....

Rocky, if you don't know by now that we love you and we want you to come home, I really don't know what more to do to convice you. Sometimes you have to take a chance.... let us be the chance that you take this time..... Ask yourself: "What is the worst thing that can happen?"


We love you very much,
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-17 - 09:00pm

I hope you had a wonderful day. My day was pretty good. The last week or so I have been able to really focus on my work and at the end of the day I feel really good. I really love my job and I know you did also. You are a hard worker and I know that you must miss it. I received a note from one of the ladies that worked with you - she only had good things to say about you. Acually everyone has.

I am working on your dad's book. I need your help. We have a lot of work to do and I would love it if you can help me..... After this I think we should do one on you also. I love the stories that your dad tell... We can listen to him for hours and then between the two of us we have put it all together.... I need someone to do this with me. And there is no one that I would like better for this job that you..... I can't wait to continue but I cannot do this without you. Imagine all the stories that we get to listen to every day.

You know that big chance that people are waiting for, we have two coming up and you are part of this.... We need you at home to help us finalize everything..... This might just be that lucky break that we are all waiting for..... Please don't let pride cause you to be kicked out of here. It is not to late - lets get your paperwork resolved before it is to late.


We love you and we would hate to see you jeapordize your future because of ignorance on our side.

Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-16 - 09:00pm

Hi Rocky,

I am very tired tonight so I just want to tell you that I love you and that I wish you were home already. We are so worried about you and it is so frustrating not to know what to do next.

I hope you have a great night tonight and a wonderful day tomorrow.

Love you and miss you very much,
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-15 - 11:59pm

Me again.....

Every night I think to myself - what am I going to tell Rocky tonight?  What can I possible talk about that he would be interested in?  I think....   

   - Golf?  Well what can I say about golf....  I don't know much about it......   All I can say is that I wish now that I went with you and dad every time or at least some times.....   I know that is will be good for me also to be outside sometimes..

  - Fishing?  If you guys say fishing I think Scrapbooking weekend.....    I know that we should do a little more as a Family....   and I actually like fishing......

Once I start with those two I kind of realize that I should stick to what I do and leave the man-stuff to the men......

Also, once I start talking with you the words just flow so easily....   I love talking to you....   You are a ver caring person and I know that you are going to make one lucky lady a very good husband some day.

Your dad mentioned that he wants the two of you to go tuna fishing....  A guy sold a tuna for $15000 the other day.  I cannot remember how much the fish weighed but it must have been a heck of a fish to catch....  A once in a lifetime  opportunity.  

I would have thought that people would forget about you....   Now that you have been gone for over ten weeks.....   And some have gotten used to the idea and we really don't hear from them often or at all anymore...  Others still ask from time to time.....       Then there are the people that reads the blog everyday - HOPING - PRAYING - BELIEVING - with us that one of these good days they are going to read the final post of the blog....   And that will be the day that you come home!!!!

For what it is worth - I have faith in you and I believe in you and I know that sooner or later you will come home.....   You know what the right thing is to do and I truly believe that you will do it when the time is right.

The last thing that I want is for your dad to totally give up on faith and hope and I think that if you don't come home, that is exactly what will happen.  I am not saying that it will be your fault, actually far from it.  I am just stating a fact.  He really does love you....    Remember the one big difference between the two of you....   Being a boy and being raised by a man is totally different than being a boy and being raised by a women.......    All the "a man should not....." stories that people that don't know any better come up with.....  You dad was taught that by his father and with me having only sisters how was I suppose to know any better?  We learnt the hard way but i promise you today, we know better now.....

I love you both very much and I hate what this is doing to you guys......  This has been such an eye opener to him (actually to us) and we can not wait for you to get back so we can start this new and exciting new family life.....   

We love you very much,
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-14 - 10:00pm

70 days and counting..... I am keeping the faith.... That is the best advice that I get and I have a lot of people that is praying with me. None of us are giving up... None of us will stop praying until we know that you are back home - safe and sound. Actually we will keep praying when you are home also because we will still need a lot of help to ensure that we get through all the issues that we need to resolve...... We are willing to do what it takes to make sure that we do it right this time.....

You know what I am looking forward to most of all....

.....I am looking forward to go to church with you. I know that you wanted to talk about religion but you did not feel that you could.... I tell you know that you can... No-one is going to stop you.... That much I can tell you...

.....I am looking forward to making your favorite meals..... I made "Vetkoek and mince" for dinner tonight.... I made a lot extra to make sure that if tonight is the night that you come back, there will be something for you to eat.... I will be so happy that I will cook you a five cours meal even if it is in the middle of the night.... And I would LOVE every minute of it.

.....I am looking forward to a Thursday night when I get home when you come running to say hi.... The nice big hugs...

.....I am looking forward to watching Vampire Diaries with you... Your dad hates it...

.....I am looking forward meeting your friends..... I would love it if you feel comfortable enough to bring friends home...

.....I am looking forward to help you find an apartment when the time is right

.....I am looking forward to packing all the stuff up that is in the house for your apartment.....

.....I am looking forward to having you back where you belong - right here with us...

Please sleep well, be safe and know that God is with you to protect you.... We love you very much and miss you terribly.....

Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-13 - 11:59pm

Hi Rocky,

It has been 70 days exactly now since you decided to leave.... I wish that I could get that night over.... I wish that I was a better person and that I treat people better.... I miss you sooo much... I wish that it was in my power to make all of this go away and bring you home.... But it is not - I have to believe that God will keep you safe and bring you home when the time is right.

I had a dream last night that you were home..... I remember being so scared that you would leave again and I knew that I would not be able to handle that... It was a good dream but then I woke up and the nightmare we are living now continued.... Susan and Heinrich stopped by to pick up their camper, the first thing that Susan said to me was that she dreamt that you called and wanted us to come get you......

I was so hoping that it would come true because two people dreamt it but that was not meant to be - at least not today....

You dad built a new trailer... You should see it - you would have been proud of it.... It has space for two motorcycles - I guess the second one is for yours... I know that is one of he things that he wants to do with you.... and I know that he is really looking forward to it....

Renee is here - we are Scrapbooking again, she arrived this afternoon and leaves tomorrow.... Love having her aroud - we just have so much fun together. I have to smile when I think of that - you could not understand how I can call that fun but yet you were always so supportive.... I have worked on my books a lot since you left but I have not really gotten very far.... I can just not get started because I keep on thinking of you.... I feel guilty to do anything that is fun..... How can I have fun if you are out there somewhere and I don't know how you are doing? People keep on telling me that I should not blame myself... They tell me that this is not my fault..... You know what, I don't care what anyone says, I feel that I should have known better..... I should have seen this coming.... I should have been able to do something..... to be nicer to you.... Te tell you more ha I loved you.....

Rocky, please forgive me for everything I did wrong in the two years that you were here....
- Forgive me for not listening to you more....
- Forgive me for not being more patient....
- Forgive me for not cooking for you more....
- Forgive me for not telling you more about your family.... they are all so wonderful .....
- Forgive me for not telling you that I am proud of you....
- Forgive me for not telling you that I love you....

Rocky I hope that you are reading this tonight and more than that I hope that you can forgive me..

Lots of love,
Ma

P.S. Dad loves you very much also......

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-12 - 11:59pm

By this time I am sure that you are tired of my stories....  I am not going to tell you stories tonight....  Everything that I wanted to tell you I already did....   I just want to list some facts for you:

  - By now you know that we are sorry
  - By now you know that we made mistakes and that we very much would like a second change from you
  - By now you know that we love you
  - By now you know that we are proud of you
  - By now you know that our home will always be your home
  - By now you know that there will always be a place for you in our home
  - By now you know that there will always be a place for in our hearts...

Now, what you don't know:
  - Neither one of us sleep at night anymore
  - The guilt is eating us up alive
  - We pretend that we are ok but I don't think that we will ever be ok while you are still out there somewhere
  - We are feeling a lot of things but neither of us have EVER been angry at you during the time that you left
  - Both of us keep looking out the window to see if maybe you will come walking down the driveway even though we know you are not even in Texas anymore
  - Neither of us like to leave the house unattended just in case you come home
  - We sit for hours and talk about you....  and everything we have to say is always good
  - We don't blame each other for you leaving 
  - We don't blame you for leaving - in fact we understand why you did this
  - We ONLY blame ourselves .....  we each believe that it was our fault that you left

Rocky, I prayed and asked God to please help me.  I told Him that I don't have the strength to do this.....   We have tried everything humanly possible to get you back but with no luck.....

I know that God knows where you are.  I know that you are a believer so I believe that God is traveling with you and and keeping a protective hand over you.  I will not just sit back and do nothing...  I will still follow up on any leads that I get but other than that I really dot know what more to do.  I know that when the time is right all will be revealed to us.  Until then we have to keep the faith and wait and trust that God hears our prayers and will respond when the time is right.

I hope you sleep well,

We love you very much, we miss you and we would love nothing more that to have you safe and sound back at home.


Love
Dad and Ma

This is the day the LORD has made;
Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-11 - 11:59pm

Hi Rocky,

Before I even start tonight I would like to say something to you.... in one of the first letters to you after you left I told you that I would never give up on you and that is a promise that I will keep. If I don't write every night it does not mean that I forgot about you or that I care any less - it just means that I was busy or tired... I will never skip more than one night....

What have you been up to? Do you think of us sometimes? Are you reading this blog - your e-mails - messages on Facebook? If you are, don't you care that we are worried or concerned or have sleepless night because we are worried about you?

I grew up in a fairly normal household.... I have three sisters and sometimes we had big fights. It always worked out in the end..... To this date I still fight with one of my sisters (and if she reads this she will know that I am talking about her), even if we are 1000's of miles apart.... but you know what, I know that if it really matters, even if we are mad at each other, she will always have my back and I will always have hers....

We (You, your dad and me) are also a family and no matter what we will always be there for each other. Even if we fight with you, when it really counts we will be there for you. So please be there for us also.... we really need you.

I know that your mother grew up without her father in her life. You father grew up withour his mother in his life. You grew up without your father in your life but you have a chance now with his. And there will be fights - there will be moments that one of us will be unhappy, but we will be there for each other if it counts. It is up to you to change history here.... If you don't, what is the chance that your children will be in the same boat? Remember, it is not alwyays in your power to make that decision but like I also mentioned before, if you don't resolve these issues now, it is going to pop up in your life sometime in the future when you least expect it and it may be to late do do somthing about it..... I want you to have a better life than your mom and dad. I want your children to have a better life than you.... please let us help you make sure that it happens.....

You are such a great person - kind - helpful - friendly - neat - hard working - and more....... We did not realize what a treasure we had in you until you left....


We love you and we miss you,

Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-10 - 10:00pm

Everyone went to a baseball game but I really just felt like being alone tonight.... I worked until 7pm and went back to the hotel.

I am really sorry that I did not write last night - I was sitting with my iPad on my lap on the bed in the hotel and the last thing I remember is creating the post..... I woke up and it was after three in the morning..... the lights were on, the TV was on.... I got up, turned everything off and went back to sleep....

I hope that you had a good night last night and also that you have a wonderful day today.....

I am at work so I will write to you again tonight...

Love you lots
Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-09 - 11:00pm

I hope you had a good day today. I missed you like I have done for the past nine weeks - nothing new.... Some days I want to be angry at you but it is so hard for me because I think you had a reason to be angry at us..... I say "had" because I think we have paid for everything we have said or done to make you angry. I think that it is time for you to forgive us.... Everyone needs a break in life and I think that you really need to consider giving your dad and I a break here.

Rocky, if you are reading this and you don't want to come home, at least have the courage to pick up a phone and call us.... Talk to us, let us talk to you..... give us the oppurunity to say our part and you say yours .... then - if you decide not to come home, at least we know that you are ok.... At this point we really still don't know anything.... I write every night, you dad writes sometimes, there are a lot of other people writing to you and there is nothing from your side.

Most of the time I am ok but tonight I feel like I need to talk with you - just to make sure that you are ok..... Please don't mess up your life because of things that we did wrong, the fact that we were not good parents or the fact that we did not tell you that we were proud of you, or that you are a great son or that we love you very much.....

Please give us a chance..... Please remember some of the good things.... not only the bad ones.....

- Remember fishing with dad
- Remember golfing with dad
- Remember watching Avatar or Vampire Diary with me
- Remember Double Dave's Pizza
- Remember Having a cup of coffee at Starbucks
- Remember your job at the college
- Remember your graduation

I know these are not big things but all of them reminds me of you.... Hopefully they meant something to you also....

I went through my photo albums over the weekend and I remember how scared you were of a crayfish.... Your dad went diving for crayfish when you were only four and he took out a crayfish.... You were so scared of it and we had to cook it before you would even touch it.... It was so funny but the nice thing is that I still ended up with a picture of you holding the crayfish ..... It is hard to believe that it has been so many years ago and that that little scared boy has grown up into a very good young man - one that anyone would be proud to call our son....

We love you and we miss you,
Dad and Ma

Bring Rocky Home - 2012-04-08 - 11:00pm

I hope that you had a great Easter weekend.  Mine was not really that much different from any other weekend......   Friday night we had dinner at Renee and David's.....  It was soooo good...    Can David ever cook.....   Not only did we have dinner there, he also gave us some beef curry for the next day........    They are such good people....... 

Yesterday we did not do to much - I did laundry and your dad was working in the barn.....    What's new....  Hahaha!!!

Today I went to the Easter service with Renee, David and the boys.  It was a church in Conroe called The Ark.  It was a really nice service but the one thing that got to me was one guy that told his story about how he just walked out on everything....  He through away his ID so that people would not know who he was, he just walked out on everything and roamed the streets.  It made me think of you and I felt like crying.....    Everything that you are going through and no-one there to help you......

I am going to end here for tonight but I just need to remind you that you are very much loved, missed and appreciated.

Hope you had a warm meal tonight and that you have a warm and sheltered place to sleep...

Lots and lots of love
Dad and Ma